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nothing_rhymes_with_iantoSeason One, Episode Five
Season One, Episode Five
[Unknown techno song plays. Camera pans up the body of a trick lying in Brian's bed. The guy has a cool shoulder tattoo. Camera pans to show Brian. The trick rolls over a little, Brian shifts. Someone knocks on the door. Brian sighs, looks at the door and at the trick beside him. He rolls back to the pillow]
BRIAN:[To the trick] Who the hell are you?
TATTOO GUY: I'm the guy you fucked last night.
BRIAN: Oh yeah. Were you any good? [The trick frowns at him. The knocking continues. Brian rolls over, sits up.] Okay. I'm coming! [He looks back at tattoo guy.] And you're going.
[He pushes himself out of bed. Tattoo sits up and reaches for his clothes. Shot from behind of Brian buttoning a pair of jeans as he walks to the door. He opens it. Lindsay stands there with Gus, smiling.]
LINDSAY: Hi! [She moves inside] We just happened to be in the neighborhood, so I-- [She looks up and notices Tattoo Guy] Are we interrupting something? [Shot of Tattoo Guy as he pulls on his jeans, no underwear. Brian looks at him]
BRIAN: Not at all. We're all done.
TATTOO GUY: [Walking down, pulling on a shirt] This your kid?
LINDSAY: Uh, yes.
TATTOO GUY: Oh-ho! He is precious! [Lindsay passes Gus to Brian. Tattoo Guy leans down and begins to baby talk at Gus.] Hello. Hello! Oh, baby. Hello, baby. Hello. [Brian raises an eyebrow, stares at him. He notices Brian and stops, straightening up and putting on a tough face. To Brian.] We'll do this again.
BRIAN: [Glancing at Lindsay with a slightly amused expression] Yeah. Sure.
[Tattoo Guy leaves. Lindsay and Brian turn away from the still-open door.]
LINDSAY: Let me guess. Your Italian tutor? [She chuckles and hands Brian a baby toy. He takes it from her.]
BRIAN: Grazie. [He moves further into the room, smiling at Gus, enthralled by the child]
LINDSAY: You know, if you visited once in a while, we wouldn't need to drop by unannounced.
BRIAN: Talk to your girlfriend.
LINDSAY: [Opening the fridge and taking something out] You cant exactly blame her, the way you behave.
BRIAN: She's just jealous because she thinks you love me more than her. [Lindsay looks at him. Brian looks smug] And she's right.
LINDSAY: Look, we have a child now.
BRIAN: Yeah, you and me.
LINDSAY: And Melanie! So, one way or another, we all have to get along.
BRIAN: [Rolling his eyes] I'll try. If she douches.
LINDSAY: [Dry, humorless chuckle.She takes Gus in her arms] I thought we could try something small, a nice, civilized, home-cooked meal?
BRIAN: Seasoned with a dash of rat poison?
LINDSAY: I was thinking garlic. There's a chicken thing I want to try. It has forty cloves! Could you stomach that?
BRIAN: The chicken? Or Melanie?
[She makes a face, turns toward the door. Before leaving,]
LINDSAY: Friday, early? So you can still hit the bars? [He looks at her. She bites her lip and smirks, exiting. He rolls his eyes and gives a light sigh.]
[Cut to the Big Q. A shot of cat food being rung up.]
CUSTOMER: I have thirty-five cents off the kittie bites.
MARLEY: Oh, we do coupons at the end. And, uh, that one expired in 1992. [The customer makes a face. Michael comes, going around to the back of the counter behind Marley.]
MICHAEL: Marley, are you free tonight?
MARLEY: Do you know how long I've been waiting for a man to ask me that?
MICHAEL: I need somebody to stay late and help me with inventory. [A shot of Tracy looking over at them, eavesdropping]
MARLEY: Oh, sorry. I've got church choir practice.
MICHAEL: Well, that's a new excuse.
MARLEY: How many times can my great grandmother be on her deathbed? [They grin at each other]
CUSTOMER: I have a coupon for the Johnny Bowl too.
MARLEY: [Sarcastically, to customer] I'm just flushed with excitement, princess.
TRACY: Mike, if you need someone to stay late, I'm free.
MICHAEL: You are? [She nods, smiling] That'd be great. It will only take a couple of hours.
MARLEY: She wouldn't mind if it took all night.
MICHAEL: [Admonishing] Marley. [She makes a face, turns back to the customer. Michael walks over to Tracy] So, we'll meet after closing.
TRACY: Great! I'll see you then. [She grins, raises her eyebrows at Marley]
MARLEY: Just be careful you two don't get caught on the surveillance cameras.
[She giggles. Shot of Michael, rolling his eyes, exasperated. Scene cuts to a therapist's office. Jennifer and Justin are sitting together on a couch. Close on Jennifer.]
JENNIFER: We used to share things. We...enjoyed each other. [A shot of a short-haired therapist watching her] But now I, uh-- I talk to him, he slams the door, runs away. [A panning shot of Justin. He is unwrapping the candies from a bowl on the table. There is a pile in front of him] And he lies. He says he's spending the night at Daphne's, but I know he's not. And I found things.
THERAPIST: What sort of things?
JENNIFER: [Justin rubs at his eyes] Uh, drawings, sketches that he did, of...men. [Jennifer looks at the therapist] Naked. [Therapist looks surprised. Jennifer turns to Justin] I just have...to know. [She turns and closes her eyes]
THERAPIST: If Justin might be gay? [Jennifer sighs and looks at the therapist. Justin glances at the therapist and looks down.]
JENNIFER: He's only seventeen. He's too young to be having those feelings, to be-- [Justin purses his lips. She stops, turns to him] Justin, how can you possibly know now who you are?
THERAPIST: Justin. [He looks at her] Do you have anything to say?
[He looks at her, glances a bit a Jennifer. He takes a breath, looking a little frightened but strong and ready. He licks his lips and looks at the floor near the therapist's feet.]
JUSTIN: I like dick. I wanna get fucked by dick. [A shot from the side. Jennifer's shocked face is visible] I wanna suck dick. I like sucking dick. [A shot of the therapist, also shocked. Justin grins a little] And I'm good at it, too. [He looks up at the therapist, finished. She looks shocked and a little appalled.]
THERAPIST: Well, that's a start.
[Cut to a meeting room at Ryder. Camera pans over to Brian giving a pitch.]
BRIAN: Your existing campaign is solid, Mr. Telson, but you need more muscle to break out of the boring family market box. [A shot of Mr. Telson sitting at the table, playing with a pencil. A female assistant is beside him.] Target males, of course. 18 to 34. Feature speed, fashion, visibility. [He glances at a man at the table with a beard, who looks back at him.] You sponsor a NASCAR team, but you need a campaign to max the investment. TV, print, selected websites.
[A shot of Mr. Telson, sighing, leaning forward skeptically]
MAN: Just so you know, Mr Telson, uh, Brian is our most dynamic and creative account exec. His campaigns have won Clio awards for us.
MR. TELSON: Uh huh. That's impressive....for you. How does that translate into national sales for me? [He looks toward Brian. Brian's gaze slides over the the Man.]
MAN: Well, uh, maybe you'd like to sit down and flesh out the strategy with him. He's also, uh, one hell of a host. [Telson looks around skeptically, begins to pack up] He can get you into all the top restaurants. He can get you the best tickets to the games. [Man walks over and stands next to Brian.] Tell me, do you like baseball, Mr. Telson?
MR. TELSON: I'm pretty tired after the flight this morning, and...I've got a full set of meetings tomorrow. [He stands]
BRIAN: Well, how about tomorrow night? The Pirates are playing. We have company seats on the first baseline.
MR. TELSON: Well, if I have any time, I'll give you a call. [Man opens the door for him. Shot of Brian with a slightly annoyed look on his face. To Man] We'll let you know.
WOMAN: Thank you very much.
[The door closes. Brian turns away, rolling his eyes. Man looks annoyed, walks to the other side of the room.]
BRIAN: I know what the son of a bitch is up to. He's playing us against every other agency in town, pumping us for our best ideas, and he'll take them where he wants to.
MAN: You just make sure where he wants to go is here.
[People begin to leave the room. Brian turns towards the window with an eye roll and pissed off expression. Up Jumped The Boogie by See To Sky plays. Cut to a shot of Liberty Avenue. Mixed chatter of people walking around. Cut to Liberty Diner. The boys are sitting in a booth, talking. Shot over Emmett and Brian's shoulders of Ted and Michael. Ted steals some of Michael's fries.]
BRIAN: Well, if I don't get this account, I'll be fucked. [He checks out a couple of guys sitting down behind them] And without lube.
EMMETT: And that's a bad thing?
DEBBIE: It's amazing how you always work anal intercourse into the conversation. [They chuckle]
BRIAN: Hey, you try spending an evening with some back-slapping breeder from Altuna, smoking cigars and talking about pussy. [He sticks a toothpick in his mouth]
TED: I'd love to hear what you have to say about pussy.
BRIAN: [Smiling patronizingly, to Ted] That it's a good thing you've got one, because you wouldn't know what to do with a dick.
[Ted stares at him, miffed. A shot of Emmett wiping something off his shirt with a napkin]
DEBBIE: Move over. [She shoves in to sit next to Michael] So you boys in the mood for something sweet, or are you gonna pick up a little something at Woody's? [She pinches Michael's face]
MICHAEL: Ma, stop pinching my cheeks.
DEBBIE: Oh, bend over so I can pinch the other ones. [Everyone laughs. Debbie gets up.]
TED: I've got some tax reports to go over. Scoot. [He pushes at Michael, who moves out and stands.]
EMMETT: I would think after checking out numbers all day, you'd like to come check out some numbers at night.
TED: Well, in light of my recent near-death experience, I've decided to take account of my near-life. Woody's and Babylon are no longer deductible expenses.
[He waves bye and leaves. Emmett looks surprised. Michael sips his soda.]
EMMETT: He'll be back. Looks like it's, uh, just us. The Three Musketeers.
DEBBIE: More like the Pointer Sisters. [She puts their bill down on the table, chuckling.]
MICHAEL: I cant go either.
BRIAN: What's your excuse? [He sticks the toothpick in his mouth again]
MICHAEL: I have to back to the store. We're restocking. [He makes a face]
EMMETT: Poor baby. Spend the entire evening alone in that dreary crap emporium?
MICHAEL: [Putting money on the table] Tracy'll be there.
BRIAN: Your bride-to-be?
MICHAEL: She's not my bride-to-be.
BRIAN: [Smirking] Then you can tell her who you really are.
EMMETT: I agree. I always say, come clean, or don't come at all.
MICHAEL: I cant. Where I work, they laugh at faggots.
BRIAN: Hey, the only faggots worth laughing at are the ones who don't tell the truth. Don't be one of those assholes who hides, Mikey. And stop leading her on.
MICHAEL: Who's leading her on? We're...counting cartons of toilet paper! [He stands and walks away]
BRIAN: Yeah, which you can use, because you're so full of shit. [He slaps the money down on the table. Michael looks at him and walks away. Brian sits back, gnawing on the toothpick. He smacks the back of Emmett's neck.]
EMMETT: Don't touch me. [Brian smirks]
[Cut to a pan of the Big Q. Michael is walking in the aisles, checking things off a list,]
MICHAEL: Okay, we've done toilet paper, paper towels, paper napkins, paper plates-- Tracy? Trace?
TRACY: I'm here!
MICHAEL: Where? [He turns. She's in an aisle, standing on a ladder]
TRACY: In feminine hygiene. I'm checking panty-liners. Light days and heavy days.
MICHAEL: So how we doing?
TRACY: We're heavy on light days, and light on heavy days.
MICHAEL: Gotcha. Let's move on.
TRACY: It's always work with you! Don't you ever have fun?
MICHAEL: Yeah, I have fun. I have lots of fun.
TRACY: Really? 'Cause you never want to go out with us after work.
MICHAEL: I've gone out with you guys.
TRACY: Once. Marley says no one knows what you're really like, that you probably lead this double life.
MICHAEL: [With a mischievous look] She's right. I'm not who I appear to be. [Tracy stares at him] But you have to promise not to tell anyone. [He climbs up the other side of the ladder.] Truth is, when I was a boy, I was exposed to a laser light show at a KISS concert, and after that developed the strange power to to see into people's minds, to read their most private thoughts. [Gruffly, turning his lips to the side] "I'm going rob a bank!" "I'm going to blow up a bridge!" [Normal voice again] And since then, I set out to prevent crimes before they happened. And my real name...is "Laser Man!"
TRACY: [Putting her hands on his] So, Laser Man, what am I thinking?
MICHAEL: [Deer-in-the-headlights expression. He looks down] Um, we should probably get back to work. [He turns to walk away, forgetting he's on a ladder, and falls] Whoa!
TRACY: Mike!
[Cut to Woody's. Deeper by Speedbump plays. A shot of a row of Cosmos sitting on the bar. The bartender lifts two up and moves them. Justin comes into focus. He is shirtless, swaying to the beat of the music. Brian is sitting at the bar. Justin comes up to him]
JUSTIN: If you take your shirt off, you get a free drink.
BRIAN: I don't show my tits for a watered-down Bud.
JUSTIN: Get me a beer?
BRIAN: Get your own.
JUSTIN: [Grinning] I'm too young.
BRIAN: Well, that's your problem. [He pokes his tongue in the side of his cheek, looks away, then back again at Justin] You should go home. Your mom's probably worried sick.
JUSTIN: [Scoffing] She's pathetic. She took me to a fucking waste of time therapist. [They look at each other]
BRIAN: Well, maybe she's trying to understand you.
JUSTIN: I don't want her to understand me. I want her to leave me alone. [He regards Brian for a moment] What did your parents do when they found out you were, you know, gay?
BRIAN: [He looks away and shrugs] They didn't do anything. [He checks out a prospective trick, then turns back to Justin] Because I never told them.
JUSTIN: You didn't?
BRIAN: It's not their life. [He checks out the same trick in the mirror over the bar] I don't need their approval.
[Justin makes a face as Brian walks away. He glances toward the front door and frowns, moving forward]
JUSTIN: Daph?
DAPHNE: [Heading into the bar] Please don't kill me! It's not my fault.
JUSTIN: What's not your fault?
DAPHNE: My mom answered, she said you weren't there. I didn't know what to do!
JUSTIN: I don't know what you're talking about. [He glances up and his face falls. A shot of Jennifer stepping nervously into Woody's, looking around. Justin gasps. His eyes widen] Fuck me! What's she doing here?
DAPHNE: That's what I'm trying to tell you! I said you were here.
[Justin begins backing away. Jennifer spots him, looks confused, relieved, admonishing. Justin is frozen, afraid. He backs away, then turns and goes into the men's room]
JENNIFER: Justin!
[She follows him, stops turns with her mouth open. Shot of Brian talking to his trick. The guy grins and Brian walks away. The trick follows. A shot of Mr. Telson, also in the bar, noticing Brian. Cut to Melanie and Lindsay's house. Lindsay has her hands on her own shoulders.]
LINDSAY: [To Melanie, with a deep sigh.] He's down.
[She walks over to the table. Melanie has her head in her hands, a pen between her fingers.]
MELANIE: He'll be up. You look beat.
LINDSAY: So do you. [She sits on Melanie's lap. They kiss.] Coming to bed.
MELANIE: Soon. I gotta go over these briefs.
LINDSAY: Listen, about Friday?
MELANIE: Mm-hmm?
LINDSAY: You don't have any plans, do you? [She runs her hands over Melanie's chest]
MELANIE: Not that I know of.
LINDSAY: Not working late?
MELANIE: No. [They kiss again, making out]
LINDSAY: That's good, because I invited Brian for dinner.
MELANIE: [Against Lindsay's breast] Oh, Christ!
LINDSAY: I thought I'd make that chicken you like.
MELANIE: Forget it. I wouldn't let him touch my silverware knowing where his hands have been.
LINDSAY: You know, I wish the two of you would make the slightest effort to get along so I don't have to be the "smiling lesbian in the middle."
MELANIE: [Still kissing her breast] Who asked you to be. Just leave him out of my life.
LINDSAY: How can we? He's Gus's father.
MELANIE: As if I need to be reminded. You know, we're supposed to be an alternative family, which means two mommies.
LINDSAY: I'm the one with subscription to Newsweek. I know what it means. Only there's nothing alternative about us. We're as fucked up as any other family in the history of the world. [She chuckles]
MELANIE: [Looking at Lindsay, stroking her neck] So...what do you want?
LINDSAY: [Taking a breath] I want to be a good mother. I want to be with you. [They kiss. Her voice becomes more commanding] And I want you to give Brian a chance.
MELANIE: Aw, you almost had me there.
LINDSAY: He's a good person.
MELANIE: He's a selfish shithead!
LINDSAY: Maybe, but he's honest. [Melanie sighs, exasperated] He tells the truth, and he doesnt pretend.
MELANIE: Yeah, well, I wish he'd try.
LINDSAY: I wish you would too.
[She glances at Melanie, who's standing with her back to her. Melanie pulls off her shirt; she's not wearing a bra. She looks behind her at Lindsay, drops the shirt and saunters upstairs. Lindsay groans in annoyance and anticipation, gives a playful giggle and runs after Melanie, grabbing up the shirt as she passes it. Cut to the interior of the door of Brian's loft. The door opens, a shot of Brian's waist pans up to his head as he steps in and ushers the trick in. He leans against the open door, not closing it]
TRICK: [Pushing up against Brian, sliding his hands under Brian's shirt] Oh, man! I'm so horny. I want you to fuck me for hours. And I'm a top.
BRIAN: Yeah, that's what all the biggest bottoms say. [He grins. Justin suddenly appears in the doorway, a frightened look on his face] Oh, fuck!
TRICK: Jesus, who's this?
BRIAN: That's the president of my fan club. [Turning to Justin, deliberate] What do you want?
JUSTIN: My mom's out of control. Now she's following me.
BRIAN: That must be an inherited trait.
JUSTIN: I'm not going home.
BRIAN: Well, you're not staying here!
JUSTIN: There's nowhere else I can go. Do you want me to sleep on the street? I could get killed.
TRICK: Why dont you get lost, you little asshole. I was here first.
BRIAN: [To the trick, suddenly protective] Better yet, why dont you? [The trick scoffs. Brian pushes him out the door] Beat it.
TRICK: Fuck you.
BRIAN: [Chuckling] Yeah. You're the bottom, remember? [He slams the door shut, turns and looks at Justin]
JUSTIN: Thanks.
[Brian sighs, moves away from the door, turning and walking backwards to talk]
BRIAN: Look, I told you. I'm not your lover. I'm not your partner. I'm not even your friend. You're not anything to me.
JUSTIN: [moving forward] I could be. If you gave me a chance.
BRIAN: [Chuckling derisively] Where did you learn to talk like that? Watching some teen drama? [He moves away into the bedroom, pulling his shirt up]
JUSTIN: I need you!
[Brian stops, his shirt halfway up, turns.]
BRIAN: [Approaching Justin] No, you think you do, because that's what you're taught to think, "we all need each other." Well, it's a crock of shit! [Justin stares at him] You're the only one you need. You're the only one you've got. [He cups Justin's cheek with his right hand. Justin steps closer, smiling a bit. Brian moves away and picks up a blanket draped over the back of the couch. He hands it to Justin.] The couch. Just for tonight. And dont jerk off on it.
[He walks back into the bedroom. Justin stares after him, then rolls his eyes in typical teenager fashion. Cut to the work entrance outside of the Big Q. Employees are milling about, talking, on smoke break, etc. Marley runs up and gropes some guy's ass, laughing.]
MARLEY: Morning, Sweet pea!
[She giggles. Shot of the back of the store, the sound of Michael groaning in pain. He has a hurting look on his face as he moves boxes. Tracy walks in.]
MICHAEL: God, I am still stiff.
TRACY: Stiffer than last night?
MARLEY: Hey, you two, let's keep it clean.
MICHAEL: [Annoyed] We're talking about my neck.
MARLEY: You must've been doing more than inventory.
TRACY: Shut up, Marley. Cant you see he's in pain?
MICHAEL: It's the worst pain I've ever felt in my life.
TRACY: Did you take something?
MICHAEL: Yeah! Like, two bottles of Tylenol.
TRACY: That wont help. You need a chiropractor.
MICHAEL: No. I'm okay, really.
TRACY: A friend of mine's fiance goes to someone who does some of the Steelers. He swears by him.
MICHAEL:[Turning to face her] It's not necessary.
TRACY: You need to take care of yourself. I can tell you're not very good at that.
[They stare at each other. Michael swallows. Cut to the stairs at Ryder. Cynthia is in the middle and Brian is at the top, walking down.]
CYNTHIA: Ryder wants to see you.
BRIAN: Well, he can go fuck himself. He's pissed at me for not landing Telson. He wants to chew me a second asshole.
CYNTHIA: I always thought you could use one of those. [He smiles at her. Mr. Telson walks up behind her, and Brian notices him.]
BRIAN: Marvin!
MR. TELSON: I was just coming to see you.
CYNTHIA: [To Brian] Well, I'll just be sure and give Mr. Ryder your message. [To Telson] Excuse me.
MR. TELSON: I hope you dont mind me dropping by.
BRIAN: [Joining Telson as they walk down the stairs] Not at all. Although, yesterday, I sort of got the impression--
MR. TELSON: [Interrupting] Well, you know how misleading first impressions can be. [He stops. Brian stops and looks up at him] After you get to know somebody, you discover just how much in common you actually have.
BRIAN: So, shall we look at some ideas I have?
MR. TELSON: Great. Oh, and about this evening, I thought I might take you up on your offer to, uh, show me the town.
BRIAN: Well, I could have Cynthia make us some reservations. You like steaks? I know a great chop house. [Slyly] And I could get us tickets for tonight's game.
MR. TELSON: Well, actually, I had a different sort of evening in mind. You know, the sort of evening that you might plan for yourself.
BRIAN: And what sort of evening is that?
MR. TELSON: WEll, you know, one that's more fun, like this club I heard about. Uh, Babylon?
BRIAN: [Smirking] Why, Marvin, you old dog. [Stepping closer, lowering his voice] Christ. Isnt anyone straight anymore?
[They walk down the stairs, chuckling. Cut to Michael in a doctor's office. He's taken off his shirt and is hanging it on a fake skeleton model, then he takes off his shoes. He walks over to the examination table and sits down on it, groaning in pain. The door opens and Dr. David Cameron walks in.]
DAVID: Hi. [Michael stares at him, obviously attracted] I'm, uh, I'm Dr. Cameron. [They look at each other.] What seems to be the problem?
MICHAEL: [Embarrassed] Uh, nothing. Nothing. Nothing at all, [He chuckles nervously] I'm fine.[Softly] Ow.
[Dr. Cameron looks at a file, sighs, closes it and puts it down, and walks over behind Michael]
DAVID: How did you hurt yourself?
MICHAEL: Um, I was working at the store. I'm an assistant manager at the Big Q over on Butler. I accidentally fell.
DAVID: Hm. Okay, turn to the left. [Michael does so] How's that feel?
MICHAEL: Fine. [He starts to grin]
DAVID: To the right. [Michael does so, groaning in pain] Ah. Right there, huh? [Michael takes a small breath of pain, nods a little] Can you lie down on your back?
MICHAEL: Mm.....sure. On my back. [He lies down. Dr. Cameron puts his hands on Michael's neck] This is my favorite position. I'm just kidding. [David wrenches Michael's head to the right. Cracking of spine] Ow!
[Cut to the diner. Minimal Peach by Greek Buck plays. Jennifer is standing just inside the door, looking around. She looks a little freaked out. Camera pans quickly around the diner, showing gay couples and loudly dressed people. Jennifer walks inside, past a tranny who's trying to talk to her. She walks to the counter, taking a breath.]
DEBBIE: If you're looking for Saks Fifth Avenue, Honey, you made the wrong turn! [She chuckles]
JENNIFER: [nervously] Debbie?
DEBBIE:[raising her hand in a wave] One and only!
JENNIFER: Uh-- [She smiles nervously and pushes her hair behind her ear]
DEBBIE: [Recognizing her] Hey! Sunshine's mom! [A shot of Jennifer. She looks worried] How's Justin?
JENNIFER: He didnt come home last night and I was hoping you might have seen him.
DEBBIE: [Softer] Uh, no. I'm sorry, uh, sweetie. I wish I had.
JENNIFER: [She shakes her head a little. Breathlessly] Well, thanks anyway. [She turns to go]
DEBBIE: Listen-- Wait, wait, wait! Hold on! [Jennifer covers her mouth with the back of her hand] L-let me get you some coffee.
JENNIFER: [She drops her hand and turns back] I gave up coffee.
DEBBIE: Of course you did. Well, how about some nice herbal tea, then? Huh? Have a seat! Come on! [Jennifer sits at the counter next to a girl with dyed red hair. She presses her fingertips into her temples. Debbie puts the box of tea on the counter and goes through the packets] Let's see, um, we got Lemon Cream, Raspberry Parfait, Cozy Chamomile. [She pulls out a black packet, looks at it] How in the hell did a condom get in here? [She tosses it over her shoulder.] Here. Get Happy. You need it. [She grins and places the tea packet in front of Jennifer, moves away, then gives her a cup and pours the water] So, what'd his dad say?
JENNIFER: He doesn't know.
DEBBIE: How could he not know? You always know.
JENNIFER: Same reason I didn't. Didn't want to.
DEBBIE: Believe me, there are far worse things.
JENNIFER: I just keep thinking it's my--
DEBBIE: [Interrupting] It's not.
JENNIFER: That I was--
DEBBIE: [Interrupting] You didn't.
JENNIFER: You don't even know what I was going to say!
DEBBIE: ,Yeah I do. 'Cause I asked myself all the same things.
[Jennifer considers this, nods, takes a breath]
JENNIFER: So, you don't think it's because I--
DEBBIE: Smothered him? You smother a pork chop, not a son. [Leaning toward her] People are what they are. [Jennifer looks down] So, did he tell you to fuck off? [She chuckles. Jennifer smiles]
JENNIFER: Wasn't even the worst of it. He told his therapist that he likes....[She looks up suddenly. Debbie looks interested, looks to the side covertly, looks back at Jennifer.] Dick.
DEBBIE: There, you see? You already have something in common. I'm sure you were thinking you'd probably never have anything to share again! [She grins, chuckling. Jennifer smiles tightly. Debbie quiets, takes a breath] Listen, they talk big and they act tough, but the truth is, the thing he's the most afraid of, even more than his dad finding out and beating the shit out of him, is that you'll stop loving him.
JENNIFER: [Shaking her head] I could never do that.
DEBBIE: Then you be sure he knows he hasn't lost you.
[Jennifer looks away. Scene cuts to the doctor's office. Michael is lying on his back. Dr. Cameron is beside him]
DAVID: Cross your hands over your chest. [Michael does] Good. Bring your knees up. [He presses Michael's knees with his hand. Michael does. Dr. Cameron flips his tie over his shoulder and wraps his arms around Michael's upper body. Michael is holding his body rigid.] Okay. First time to a chiropractor?
MICHAEL: Yeah, but if I knew it was going to be like this I'd have come sooner. [The cracking of a spine. Michael groans]
DAVID: Good! Legs down. [Michael does so. A shot of his face. Dr. Cameron takes Michael's left leg and moves it, stretching. He gets on the table and crouches over Michael] Little stretch. [Michael groans] I'm I hurting you?
MICHAEL: Not at all. [Dr. Cameron pauses, looks at him. The he gets off.]
DAVID: Okay. Roll over. [Michael immediately flips over to his stomach. Dr. Cameron gets on top of him, straddling his waist. Camera pans to Michael's face. Michael is grinning excitedly, nervously. Dr. Cameron lies on top of Michael, pushes on his back. Michael groans] How's that feel?
MICHAEL: Oh, yeah! Oh!
DAVID: [Gets off of Michael and walks to the desk] Well, I think you're suffering from a pre-existing condition...that was just aggravated by that fall. You give it a little time, and a some rest and...[Michael looks down. He has an erection] let the swelling go down.
MICHAEL: [With his face against the examining table] Right.
DAVID: You, uh....you might want to put some ice on it.
MICHAEL: Good idea.
DAVID: Okay, you can get up.
MICHAEL: Um, if it's okay with you, I'd like to just lie here for a couple minutes?
DAVID: [Dr. Cameron looks at him] There something wrong? Something I should look at, or--
MICHAEL: [Interrupting] No! No, um, I feel great. [He takes a deep breath, rolls his eyes] Too great.
DAVID: [Realizing, smiling a little] Don't be embarrassed. [He smacks Michael's back gently with his folder] Happens all the time. [He opens the door] Even to football players.
[He smiles and leaves. Michael sighs and flops down on the table. He sticks his face into the cushion and shakes his head. Cut to Babylon. Eirchelruck by Da Hool plays. A shot from above of a bunch of guys standing in a line on a lighted floor. A crowd is cheering. Camera pans around the guys, shows the crowd, people clapping. A drag queen with a green feather wig and silver shiny dress pokes their head out from between one of the contest's legs. The drag queen is holding a ruler and grinning.]
DRAG QUEEN: Seven and three-quarter inches. [Over the shoulder shot of the stage as the drag queen stands up. Brian and Mr. Telson look at each other] Oh, come on, guys! Let's get it up for him! Come on!
[Cheering crowd. Shot of Brian from the side. He and Telson are standing on the catwalk, watching. Over the shoulder shot again. Telson holds out his wallet with a picture inside it]
MR. TELSON: There's Thomas. He's seventeen. He's going into Harvard this fall. And there's Trish; she's twelve. She loves soccer.
BRIAN: [Chortling] This has got to be a first! Family photos in Babylon?
DRAG QUEEN: [From the stage] Oh, what is this? [Brian and Telson look back at the stage. Shot of Drag Queen measuring some guy] Five and an eighth? Now--Now contestants are reminded that they must be at least six inches. [Guy pulls up his pants. Drag Queen looks at him] Uh, that is the rule of thumb, and quite frankly, I've seen bigger thumbs. [The guy leaves the stage. Side shot of Brian and Telson laughing]
MR. TELSON: I married young, before I knew. Went into the family business. By the time I realized what I was, it was too late to change things. I love my wife, and my kids. Why should I destroy all that?
[Brian scoffs lightly, rolling his eyes. He straightens up and looks at Telson]
BRIAN: So you take care of business while you're away, taking care of business?
MR. TELSON: [Smiling] Exactly.
BRIAN: [Looking back at the stage] Smart man, Marvin.
MR. TELSON: [Watching Brian with a hungry sort of smile] You're a smart man, too. The question is, how smart? [Brian looks at him with an eyebrow raised. He slides his gaze back to the stage]
DRAG QUEEN: [Elated] Ten and five-sixteenths! We have a winner! [Crowd cheers. Shots of the crowd, they begin to dance again]
BRIAN: So, is there anyone here you'd like to meet? I happen to know the winner. [Telson looks back at the stage]
MR. TELSON: No, not my type. [He looks back at Brian] However, there is somebody I'm interested in.
[Brian looks up, licking his lips. He knows what's coming. He looks back at Telson. With a sort of smile]
BRIAN: Yeah? Who?
[Telson smiles at him like 'You know.' Brian smirks back, takes a sip of his drink. They look back at the stage. Cut to Brian's jeep driving. Michael is in the passenger seat. Brian is wearing sunglasses with a blue tint]
MICHAEL: That's sexual harassment.
BRIAN: Yeah, remind me to press charges.
MICHAEL: What does he look like? [A shot of Brian through a side mirror]
BRIAN: Like the kind of guy, if he wagged his dick in front of you, you wouldn't look twice. But if he dangled his account in front of you, you might consider it.
MICHAEL: You're kidding. You wouldn't actually do-- [He stops. A shot in the rearview mirror of Brian glancing at him] Would you?
BRIAN: Well, considering some of the other things I've done.
MICHAEL: Yeah, but that was for fun! You've never done anything like this. [Brian shakes his head and chuckles]
BRIAN: You're so beautifully naive, Mikey. It's business. You fuck, or you get fucked.
MICHAEL: Yeah, only, which end are you on?
[A shot of Brian in the rearview mirror. He smirks a little. Scene cuts to Jennifer's car driving up next to St. James Academy. She's look at the students. She sees Justin]
JENNIFER: Justin? [She parks beside him. He starts walking. She follows in the car] Honey, please! I thought you might like to come with me.
JUSTIN: Where? To see another shrink?
JENNIFER: It's a surprise.
JUSTIN: I'm not interested. [He walks away. She watches him, then makes a decision. She puts the car in park and gets out.]
JENNIFER: You stop right there! [He rolls his eyes and laughs at her, ignoring her] Stop running from me, because I'm not running from you! [He stops, turns a bit] I'm still your mother, and your still my son and I still love you.
[They stare at each other. Jennifer shrugs. Justin looks away. Cut to the Big Q. A shot of a kid as he scooters down an aisle on a Razor. Tracy hands Michael a basket full of stuff]
MICHAEL: [A grunt of disbelief] What's this?
TRACY: A get-well basket. [She points at the items inside] Ben-gay, aspirin, hot water bottle. Everything you need for a pulled muscle.
MICHAEL: That's really nice of you, Tracy.
TRACY: At Big Q we guarantee full money back if you're not completely satisfied. [They chuckle. David comes around the corner]
DAVID: I hope you won't be needing all that. [Michael looks up. His smile falls a bit]
MICHAEL: Oh. Hi.
DAVID: Hi. How's your neck?
MICHAEL: Uh, it's still a little sore, but, uh, much better. I think you did the trick.
DAVID: Good to hear.
MICHAEL: Uh, Tracy, this is Dr. Cameron, the chiropractor you sent me to.
[Tracy get's a look of realization on her face. David shakes her hand]
DAVID: Thanks for the referral, Tracy.
TRACY: Thanks for taking care of Mike. [Michael and David look at each other] Well, I should go and take care of my cash register. Bye!
[She walks away. They start walking.]
DAVID: She's cute.
MICHAEL: Yeah. What a coincidence running into you here.
DAVID: Well, it's not really a coincidence. You told me where you worked, remember?
MICHAEL: Oh, yeah. Right. Well, it's really nice, coming all this way just to see how I am.
DAVID: Nothing is more important than my patients' health and well being. [Michael chuckles] I also wanted to get a ew screwdriver.
MICHAEL: Oh, well, let me show you where the hardware department is. We have a complete line of tools, all at everyday low prices. [David chuckles]
DAVID: And I wanted to, uh, ask if you'd like to have dinner with me.
MICHAEL: Huh?
DAVID: Dinner. You know, where you sit at a table and eat food from a plate? [Michael stares at him, unsure of what to say]
MARLEY: Mike! There are these two brats climbing up the soft drink display. [David chuckles]
MICHAEL: Sounds like a job for Superman. I'll be right there! [Marley checks David out, grinning flirtatiously. She leaves]
DAVID: So, what do you say?
MICHAEL: About what?
DAVID: I think I just asked you out. [Michael blinks]
MICHAEL: You mean, you're--
DAVID: [Nodding] Yeah. I-I hope you are too.
MICHAEL: [Whispering] I have to be really careful. No one here knows. [He looks around] How did you?
DAVID: Remember that little problem you had on my table?
MICHAEL: Yeah, but you said that even happens to football players.
DAVID: [Whispering] Only the gay ones.
[They chuckle. Michael grins. Scene cuts to an art gallery where Jennifer and Justin are. They enter the room]
JENNIFER: Justin, I have so missed coming here with you. The Van Goghs and the Hoppers. You know, if it weren't for me, you wouldn't be an artist. [He gives her a look] I mean, I encouraged you. [Justin snickers, nods. She laughs, relieved] Hey, after we're done, you want to share a piece of that incredible chocolate cake, like we used to?
JUSTIN: [Nodding] Yeah, sure. [They walk further into the room]
JENNIFER: Oh, Justin. Look. My favorite. [She walks over to a painting of a woman playing with her child] Remember?
[Justin has noticed a teenage guy with bleach-tipped hair walking in the gallery. He's busy checking the guy out]
JUSTIN: [Distractedly, distant] No. [The guy notices him. Billy Club by Junkie XL plays. Justin checks him out]
JENNIFER: I fell in love with this when I was pregnant with you. I even put it on your birth announcement.
[The guy turns to leave, jerks with his head to signal Justin to follow.]
JUSTIN: Mom, I gotta use the bathroom.
JENNIFER: Okay, Honey, I'll be right here.
[He walks off. She smiles at the painting, turns and sits down to stare at it. She glances to the side, does a double take and watches Justin lead the guy towards the bathroom. She looks away and sighs. Cut to the bathroom. The trick slams his folder down on the sink and kisses Justin. They slide into a stall. A shot of Jennifer still sitting there, thinking. Back to the bathroom, they are still kissing. The trick pushes Justin up against the wall and Justin unbuttons his jeans. Shot of Jennifer staring at the painting. Bathroom; the trick is sliding Justin's pants open. Justin slides his hands down the trick's pants and cups his ass, then reaches out and slams the stall door closed. Cut to Emmett and Michael's apartment. Ted is over. Michael is lying on the couch reading a comic book. Emmett is giving himself a pedicure. Ted is eating cereal and soaking his foot for a pedicure.]
EMMETT: A doctor?
MICHAEL: A chiropractor.
EMMETT: All that counts is a little white jacket at a comfortable mid-thigh length. It's every mother's dream.
MICHAEL: Just be sure not to tell mine. I don't need her to know every time I go out.
TED: "Every time you go out" is once a year.
MICHAEL: Thanks for keeping count.
TED: Accounting is my life.
EMMETT: So, what's he like? [Michael shrugs]
MICHAEL: Old.
TED: What's old?
MICHAEL: Older than you. Probably forty.
TED: [making a face] That is old.
EMMETT: On the other hand, they don't come as quick, and they have lots of money. So where's he taking you?
MICHAEL: Some place called Pappagano.
TED: [Choking] I hope he's paying!
MICHAEL: Is it expensive?
TED: A medium-priced entree is more than your tax return.
MICHAEL: Shit.
EMMETT: What are you wearing?
MICHAEL: I don't know. This?
EMMETT: [Scoffing. In full queen mode] Okay. A doctor is taking you to one of the most expensive restaurants in Pittsburgh, and you're going like that? Not in this universe. [Getting up] As a men's apparel professional, it is my sworn duty to make sure you are properly attired. [He takes the comic book and puts it on the table] Now put down Captain America and come with me.
[He grabs Michael's hand and pulls him into his room. Ted is standing there with a foot still soaking. He looks after them]
TED: I'm soaking here!
[Cut to Brian's loft. Everybody Pass Me By by Pepe Deluxe plays. A shot of Brian's legs as he opens the door to reveal Michael standing there. Michael is wearing shiny black shoes, red pants, and a purple and black leopard-spotted shirt with small holes in some of the spots. His hair is fluffed up. He walks into the loft. Brian is, as usual, shirtless and barefoot. He looks at Michael as he slides the door closed. Michael looks back and Brian smirks at him]
MICHAEL: Oh, shut up!
BRIAN: Who did this thing to you? [Walking over] Ah, let me guess. Emmett de la Renta. [Michael nods as Brian circles him, inspecting]
MICHAEL: I should have just worn my jeans. But he said, "No! You can't go on a date like that!"
BRIAN: You've got a date?
MICHAEL: [Quietly] Yeah.
BRIAN: [Again, emphatically. Grinning] A date? [He hugs Michael, laughing a little] Mikey's got a date!
MICHAEL: I'm gonna call and cancel.
BRIAN: [Pulling away] The fuck you are!
MICHAEL: Well, I can't go like this!
BRIAN: You're right. [He looks at Michael and grins, then walks to the treadmill. Michael watches him. A paper bag is sitting on the treadmill and Brian looks through it, pulls out a shirt] Here, try this.
[He tosses the shirt at Michael]
MICHAEL: Are you sure?
BRIAN: I've got dozens of them.
[Michael walks to a corner of the room, pulls off his shirt]
MICHAEL: It's weird going on a date.
[Brian walks into the bedroom.]
BRIAN: Make sure he opens the car door for you and pulls your chair out.
MICHAEL: [Putting on the shirt] That's what I mean. It's so...hetero. [He walks toward Brian, making a face] You ever been on a real date?
[Brian is standing between one of the rotating panels. He's holding a black wifebeater and a pair of black pants.]
BRIAN: Once. I ended up fucking the waiter. [He tosses the pants at Michael]
MICHAEL: I don't know what to do or say!
[Brian hops down on to the floor as Michael puts the pants on. Brian pulls his wifebeater on]
BRIAN: Just be yourself.
MICHAEL: That should make the evening fly by. Why can't we just fast-forward to the sex?
BRIAN: [Chuckling] The point of a date, or so it's been explained to me by those who do that sort of thing, is that you actually get to know the other person before you fuck them. [He hands Michael a leather jacket]
MICHAEL: What a dumb idea. What if you don't like them?
BRIAN: Worse yet, what if you do? [He puts the jacket on Michael]
MICHAEL: The sleeves are too long. [Brian walks in front of him, rolls up the sleeves]
BRIAN: That's better. So, who is this guy?
MICHAEL: No one. [Walking to pick up the clothes he took off] I don't even know why I said yes. I guess I just felt sorry for him.
BRIAN: Ah! A mercy fuck, huh? [He leans against the wall]
MICHAEL: Who says I'm fucking him? [He looks in the mirror on the wall]
BRIAN: Well, if he's buying you an expensive dinner, you're gonna have to put out. [Joining Michael in front of the mirror] And this should do the trick. [He puts his arms around Michael from behind] Make him want to do the trick. So what do you think?
MICHAEL: I think I look like you. [They chuckle]
BRIAN: You look fantastic. [He puts his hands at Michael's neck. Michael looks at him. Softer] You are fantastic. [He kisses him] Remember that, Mikey. Now, you'd better go. You don't want to be late.
[They walk toward the door]
MICHAEL: What about you? What are you up to tonight?
BRIAN: I'm entertaining a client. [He looks down, rubs his mouth]
MICHAEL: You're not gonna go through with it?
BRIAN: [Sliding the door open] You're so cute. [He shoves Michael out the door] It'll be over before you know it.
[He slaps Michael's ass. Michael turns, flattening his hair. Brian shuts the door. He wanders over and looks at himself in the mirror. Scene cuts to Melanie and Lindsay's house. A candle. Camera pans over the table with plates and food on it. Lindsay bites into something. Melanie is standing nearby.]
MELANIE: How long can you keep the chicken warm?
LINDSAY: It's fine. I wrapped it in foil.
MELANIE: Huh! Sounds like my mom's recipe. Cook for one week, remove all flavour, eat. [Lindsay gets up. Melanie takes her by the arms] Hey. You might as well face it, Honey. [Lindsay sighs with remorse] He's not going to show up.
LINDSAY: You know Brian, he's always--
MELANIE: Fashionably late? [Lindsay looks at her] When will you ever learn?
[She kisses Lindsay's cheek and strokes her hair. Lindsay looks at her and walks away. Melanie sighs, walks over to the table and blows out the candle. Cut to Brian entering the hallway of a hotel. Unknown techno song plays. He's wearing a black wifebeater and a leather jacket. He moves to knock on a door, but a bellboy opens it and he steps inside. Mr. Telson is on the phone. He looks at Brian.]
MR. TELSON: [To Brian] I wasn't sure you'd come.
[With a smirk, Brian turns to close the door]
BRIAN: Oh, I always come when I say I'm going to.
[The doors close. Cut to Pappagano. Continental Impressions by Roger Webb plays. A shot through the curtained window. Michael and David are ordering]
DAVID: We'll have a bottle of Chateau Cheval-Blanc, '97.
MICHAEL: Uh, I'll have a pepsi.
WAITER: Certainly.
DAVID:[About Brian's leather jacket that Michael is wearing] Is that Hugo Boss?
MICHAEL: Where?
DAVID: Your jacket.
MICHAEL: [Rolling his eyes, chuckling] Oh. [David laughs too] Um...yep. [David bites his lip and nods] It's...it's not even mine. It belongs to my friend, Brian.
DAVID: I bet he doesn't look half as good in it as you. [They smile at each other]
MICHAEL: He looks better.
DAVID: I find that hard to believe.
MICHAEL: [Watching the waiter put their drinks down] He can look good in anything. He even looks good in nothing.
DAVID: Good body?
MICHAEL: Awesome. When he walks into Babylon, head turn like police lights just to look at him. [He takes a sip of his soda through the straw.
DAVID: Sounds like I could make a fortune doing neck adjustments.
MICHAEL: [Snickers] Everybody wants him.
DAVID: Do you?
MICHAEL: [Looks at him, bites his lip. Chuckling nervously] Me? No. He's my best friend since high school. We'd never--
DAVID: Good. I was starting to get jealous.
[He nods to the waiter. They watch him open the wine]
MICHAEL: Don't worry. Besides, he's not even interested in me.
DAVID: I'm surprised. I think it would be very easy to be interested in you. [They watch the waiter pour the wine. David drinks some] Excellent.
MICHAEL: [To the waiter. Raising his Pepsi] This is excellent too.
[David bites his lip, he looks a little embarrassed. He chuckles at Michael. Michael sips his soda, smiles nervously at David]
MICHAEL: You know a lot about wine, huh?
DAVID: I have a collection. I just bought a bottle of '61 Petrus on eBay.
MICHAEL: Oh my god, you go on eBay? You would not believe what I just got. A May 1960 Flash from the Silver Age. "The Mystery of the Elongated Man." [David is nodding, but he has no clue] I have been looking for this for years. [David shakes his head. Michael blinks] Uh, it's a-- it's a comic book. I have a collection.
DAVID: [Nodding, unsure of what to say] Well, you're obviously very passionate about it.
MICHAEL: It's like every time I find one, I'm a kid again, up in my old room.
DAVID: The mystery of the perpetual boy. [Michael smiles and nods slightly. David raises his glass] To the Flash.
[They clink glasses]
MICHAEL: The Flash.
[Cut to the hotel room where Mr. Telson and Brian are standing. Brian has taken is leather jacket off and is standing in jeans and a blank wifebeater.]
MR. TELSON: Go on. Take it off. [He moves and sits down in a chair with his bottle of wine] Everything. [Brian pulls off his shirt and flings it away. He begins to open his fly] W-wait. Could you...go a little slower?
BRIAN: Oh, you want a show? [He smirks]
MR. TELSON: [Bringing the glass to his lips, nodding] Uh-huh.
BRIAN: [Rolling his eyes] Sure, why not?
[He tugs open his fly and moves to push his jeans off]
MR. TELSON: Stop. [He puts his wine glass down and stands in front of Brian. He looks him over] You have a beautiful body.
BRIAN: [Rolling his eyes] I know.
[Telson looks at him for a moment, then slowly lowers to his knees. He grips Brian's hips and slides his jeans down to the floor. He moves toward Brian's cock. The phone rings. Brian rolls his eyes and glances towards the phone as it continues to ring.]
BRIAN: Are you gonna get that?
MR. TELSON: Shit! [He crawls over to the phone as Brian steps out of his jeans. He picks it up] Yes? What is it? Well, how is she? Is she badly hurt? [Camera goes to Brian, who is sitting in the chair naked, his feet on the table. He is drinking Telson's wine] Look, you're gonna have to handle it. I'm in a meeting. [Brian looks at Telson] No, there's no way I can leave! Look, I just told you. I've got too much going on. [Brian drinks the wine from the bottle. A shot of Brian through the mirror] Look, tell her I love her and I'll be home tomorrow.
[Brian drinks more wine. Telson hangs up the phone, turns to Brian]
MR. TELSON: So where were we?
BRIAN: Is someone hurt?
MR. TELSON: Yeah, that's my daughter. [He again lowers to his knees] She...broke her arm playing basketball.
BRIAN: Sounds serious.
MR. TELSON: She'll be all right.
BRIAN: [Looking over at him] She was asking for you. She wants you to come home.
MR. TELSON: She'll understand.
BRIAN: What, that you're down on your knees sucking cock?
MR. TELSON: There's nothing that I can do, anyway. [He moves his hand to grab Brian, but Brian grasps his wrist and holds him away]
BRIAN: I can. [Telson stares at him. He sits up and picks up the phone, staring directly at Telson] Could you prepare Mr. Telson's bill? [He smirks a little. Telson stares at him] He'll be checking out immediately. Could you have a car waiting to take him to the airport? [He hangs up, still staring at Telson. He leans closer to him] Your visit to Queer World's over, Marvin. Better go back to your wife and kids and 30-million-dollar-a-year business. [He grips Telson's collar] You'd be a fool to throw that away.
[He stands and moves away, leaving Telson there. Telson smiles a bit and turns.]
MR. TELSON: You know, you're not as smart as I thought. [He sits again in the chair and picks up his wine glass] What are you gonna tell Ryder when he asks why you didn't get the account?
[Brian pauses as he opens the door. He has his jacket in one hand, his shoes in the other and his pants slung over one shoulder.]
BRIAN: I'll tell him we couldn't provide the services you required.
[He leaves the hotel room, still naked. Cut to David's car pulling up in front of Michael's apartment]
MICHAEL: I had a really nice time.
DAVID: So did I.
MICHAEL: Thanks for dinner.
DAVID: My pleasure. [They look at each other]
MICHAEL: So you wanna come up?
DAVID:Oh, I can't. I've got my first patient at 7:30.
[Michael's face falls a little. He moves forward and kisses David. Then he moves his head lower. David sighs, shakes his head]
DAVID: Hey. [He pulls Michael's head up] What are you doin'?
MICHAEL: I thought-- [He shakes his head a little] I mean, don't you wanna--
DAVID: I asked you out because I wanted to get to know you better, not because I wanted a quick fuck. [Michael looks down] Look, I'll call you.
[Michael nods. Shot through the front door of the apartment building as Michael gets out of the car. David drives away and Micahel is standing there. Cut to Babylon. Sunshine by Trigbag plays. Camera pans through the club. Shows the catwalk, guys dancing on the platforms, the crowd jumping and yelling and dancing. Shows the screen, then a trio of guys with pink feather boas dancing. Ted is talking to a drag queen holding a concessions tray of condoms. Michael walks through the crowd obviously looking for Brian. He's still wearing the leather jacket. He joins Emmett and Ted.]
EMMETT: [To Ted] I knew you couldn't stay away.
TED: I'm just strictly here as an observer.
MICHAEL; [Taking Ted's beer and drinking it] Yeah, so what else is new?
EMMETT: Mm. Somebody must've eaten something that disagreed with him. [Michael walks around them to stand next to Emmett]
MICHAEL: It was a complete waste of time. He paid for dinner, and he didn't even want to fuck.
EMMETT: Maybe he has a prostate problem, or only one testicle.
MICHAEL: Or maybe he doesn't like me. [Ted grabs his beer back]
TED: Why wouldn't he like you? [He wipes off the rim of the bottle]
MICHAEL: Same reason as everybody else. I'm not Brian.
EMMETT: That is such bullshit! [Michael frowns and goes to the other side of them]
TED: He must've liked-- [He realizes Michael is behind him] He must've liked you. Why else would he ask you out?
MICHAEL: I don't know.
TED: It's just your own insecurities.
EMMETT: Maybe he's the old-fashioned type. Doesn't fuck until the second date.
MICHAEL: Well, I don't care. I'm gonna go find somebody who wants me.
[He takes a swig of his beer and moves into the the crowd. Cut to Mel and Lindsay's house. Brian is knocking on the door. He waits. A light turns on from inside. Lindsay moves to the door, opens the curtain and sees Brian. Through the window]
LINDSAY: The kitchen's closed. [She closes the curtain. Brian knocks again. Lindsay stops, sighs, opens the door. Brian bites the tip of his finger]
BRIAN: Were you sleeping?
LINDSAY: We have a newborn here. We never sleep.
BRIAN: [Twitching, stamps his feet. Insincerely] Sorry I missed dinner.
LINDSAY: Don't apologize. It doesn't become you. [Brian grins a little] A don't think you can flash that smile and get away with it. That might've been cute at twenty, but at thirty, it's starting to get pathetic,
BRIAN: Twenty-nine.
LINDSAY: [Sighing] Have you eaten?
BRIAN: No.
LINDSAY: Come on.
[He follows her into the living room. Cut to the back room, lit in green. Sexy Boy by the Kinky Boys feat. Kia plays. Camera pans over men sucking and fucking. Moans and grunts. Michael walks in. A blonde guy catches his eye and pushes away from the wall. Michael follows him. Cut to Lindsay, bringing food into the living room on a tray. She stops in the doorway and stares. The sound of a baby. Brian is lying on the couch with Gus on his chest. Brian is looking at Gus and talking softly to him. Lindsay bites her lip and watches. Brian stares at nothing, petting Gus gently. Cut to Michael. He stops and stares at some trick in the back room. The trick sinks to his knees, kissing Michael's belly. Michael stares down at him. The trick stands up, staring at him]
TRICK: [Repeating the words that Brian said to Michael earlier] You're fantastic.
[The trick goes to his knees again. Close on Michael's face, staring at nothing. Cut to Brian. He has his eyes closed and is holding Gus gently on his chest. Back to Michael. His eyes look empty and uncaring as an anonymous back room trick gives him a blowjob. Fade to Black. Dive in the Pool by Barry Harris feat. Pepper Meshay play as credits roll. End of episode five.]
