Queer As Folk US Season One, Episode One Script

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I do not own Queer As Folk, CowLip does. I'm just doing this because I know people want the script available and the ones I can find are wrong.


Season One Episode One

Transcript under the cut

Season One Episode One


[The song Can You Feel It by The Tamperer is heard. A screen with go-go dancers on it is seen. The camera pans through the nightclub.]

MICHAEL: The thing you need to know is, it's all about sex. It's true.In fact, they say men think about sex every twenty-eight seconds.'Course, that's straight men, with gay men it's every nine. [The camera pans again, and continues panning.] You could be at the supermarket, or the laundromat, or buying a fabulous shirt, when suddenly you find yourself checking out some hot guy. Hotter than the one you saw last weekend or went home with the night before, which explains while we're all at Babylon at one in the morning, instead of at home, in bed. But who wants to be at home in bed? Especially alone, when you can be here, knowing that at any moment, you might see "Him," the most beautiful man who ever lived. That is, until tomorrow night. [The camera pans to the bar, a man leaning against the counter and nodding in time to the music.]
By the way, that's me, 6' 1", forty-six inch chest, sixteen-inch biceps, twenty eight-inch waist, a veritable god....I wish. [Camera pans to Michael standing with his friends] Okay, that's me. Michael Novotny, the semi-cute, "boy next door" type. Twenty-nine, 5' 10", 140, nine and a half cut; [Michael looks at the camera and raises his eyebrow] all right, so I exaggerate, but like, who's told the truth since they invented cybersex? [Camera pans out to show the group]

EMMETT: When did '70s night become '80s night? [Let's Hear It For The Boy by Katty B is playing]

TED: I remember this song from high school. Talk about feeling ancient.

EMMETT: Speak for yourself, Honey, I was a mere child.

MICHAEL [narrating]: [Michael looks back and forth from his friends] Those are my two buddies, Ted and Emmett.

EMMETT: Give me those divas of disco any day. Gloria Gaynor.

TED: Donna Summer.

MICHAEL: And miss Alisha Bridges.

TED, MICHAEL AND EMMETT :[Singing, snapping] I love the night life. Oh! I like to boogie on the disco floor Ahhh! [A hot guy walks by and the Ahhs peeter out. They stare as the guy passes, and after him.]

EMMETT: My God. Have you ever seen anything more beautiful?

TED: Venice, at sunset.

EMMETT : [turning to Ted] Fine. You go down the Grand Canal, I'll go down on him. [spinning] Oooohhhh!

MICHAEL: [narrating] Emmett can be a little campy. [Emmet sips his cosmo] Okay, a lot campy. But you gotta admit, these days it takes real guts to be a queen in a world full of commoners.

TED: The problem with perfection is its inability to recognize anything less perfect than itself.

EMMETT: In other words, you hit on him, and he turned you down.

TED: [Sighing, looking at the floor] Yeah.

MICHAEL: [Narrating. Michael puts his head on Ted's shoulder] Ted's this really smart guy, and he's got a really big heart, only, nobody here is interested in the size of that organ.

TED: Why am I wasting my time staring at a bunch of over-pumped princesses with IQs smaller than their waist-- [Another hot guy walks by and he looks up] Jesus, look at him.

MICHAEL: [Narrating] Like I said, it's all about sex. Except when you're having it. And then it's all about "Will he stay?" "Will he go?" "How am I doing?" [Camera pans across Michael's face, Michael shakes his head.]"What am I doing?" [Camera pans to dance floor, to Brian Kinney's face, Brian dancing] Unless, of course, you're Brian Kinney. Then it's "Who gives a fuck what you think? You're lucky to have me." [Camera follows Brian taking trick to the back room, close up on Brian's face as he smirks. Pans back to Michael and his friends] (to his friends) I'll get Brian.

[The song Synasthesia by Junkie XL plays. Shot of Brian taking trick to the back room, then Michael heading to find Brian.Sounds of pleasure. Shots of men having sex, etc. Shot of a man being fucked, Michael looks at him.]

MICHAEL: Hey, Todd, how's it goin'?

TODD: Fine. [Michael finds Brian, who is pushing the trick down on his knees.]

MICHAEL: We need to go. We want to eat.

BRIAN: I'm just gonna give him my number.

MICHAEL: What'd you do? Write it on your dick? [Brian grins] How long is this going to take? [Brian pull's the tricks head away from his dick and looks at him. The trick grins.]

BRIAN: Ten minutes. Tops.

[Michael rolls his eyes and turns to leave. Shot of the street outside Babylon. Ted and Emmett are waiting outside. A couple of drag queens walk by them]

EMMETT: Mmm, Bruno. Looove your outfit! [to Ted] Not everyone can wear tangerine. [Michael exits the club and joins Ted and Emmett]

TED: How long are we going to wait? I've got to work in the morning.

MICHAEL: Who doesn't? He said he'd be right out.

EMMETT: Yeah, we've all heard that before.

TED: This is some great system he's got. He gets to party all night and you drive him home.

MICHAEL: It's no big deal, okay?

EMMETT: Hmm, don't look now, but, uh, somebody's watching.

MICHAEL: [turns and looks] Oh, him. He has been cruising me all night.

EMMETT: Hmm, playing hard to get. I love that in a man.

MICHAEL: Not playing. Just not interested.

EMMETT: [looking over at the trick] Check out that bubble butt. And that basket, enough in there for the big, bad wolf.

MICHAEL: Would you quit staring? There's more to a guy than his cock size.

EMMETT: Hmm.

MAN: Look at that!

MICHAEL: [looking again at the trick] Or his perfectly shaped ass.

TED: Which is why you read all those comic books with those super heroes in their little tights, for the plot.

MICHAEL: I told you, I am not interested.

TED: Well, maybe just for once, you should be. Show a certain someone he's not the only one who can score.

[Michael frowns and looks back at the trick. Deeper Love by Ruff Driverz plays. Shot cuts to blurry lights, Justin steps into the frame. He looks around, nervous and awed by the people milling about, gays holding hands, people kissing, drag queens. This is new to him. He takes a cigarette from behind his ear and lights it. He sees a man leaning against a pole and walks to him. Camera is shaky and distorted.]

JUSTIN: 'Scuse me. Uh, could you tell me, like, where's a good place to go?

MAN: Depends what you're looking for. You want twinkies, go to BoyToy. You want leather, go to the Meathook. If you want snotty, conceited assholes who think they're better than everyone else, try Pistol. [Man looks Justin over.] Kinda late to be out, isnt it? Especially on a school night. Why don't you come home with me, hmm? [Man strokes Justin's neck. Justin jerks away.]

JUSTIN: No thanks.

MAN: [laughing, condescending] Go on home to your mommy. Go on.

[Justin walks away, taking a drag on the cigarette. Panning shot of the street outside Babylon.Brian comes out of the club and joins the group. He puts his arms around Michael and Emmett. Sandstorm by Darude plays.]

MICHAEL: That was quick. [They begin walking away. Brian has his arm around Michael's shoulder.]

TED: Well, when you've had as much practice as he's had...

BRIAN: I got bored.

EMMETT: I know, getting your dick sucked can be soo tedious. [They are crowded behind Brian's car. Brian tosses his jacket in the Jeep.]

MICHAEL: Well, he looked pretty hot to me.

BRIAN: Anybody would look hot to you.

[Brian grabs his jacket from the back of the Jeep and walks to the drivers side. A slow-mo shot of Justin coming out of the steam of grates in Pittsburgh's streets. He is wearing flannel and a denim jacket. He looks around, uncertain. The camera zooms to Brian's face. He is instantly attracted to this newcomer. A shot of Justin walking toward a pole. The camera zooms around to the front of Brian's face. He is staring at Justin, determined to have him. Shot of Justin, leaning against the pole, his head at an angle. He lifts his head as he notices Brian staring at him and stares back. Shot of Brian's face, focusing on Michael as Michael stands up on the car and looks at Brian]

MICHAEL: [Narrating] And that's when it happened. When he came along.

[Michael follows Brian's gaze to Justin, then watches as Brian walks toward Justin. Slow zoom to Justin as Brian walks up. Shot from behind Justin of Brian. Brian cant seem to look away.]

BRIAN: How's it going? Had a busy night? [Shot over Brian's shoulder of Justin. Justin looks to the side and shrugs. He looks back at Brian, head up.]

JUSTIN: Just, uh, checkin' out the bars, you know? BoyToy, Meathook.

BRIAN: [Smirking] Meathook. Really? So you're in to leather?

JUSTIN: [Uncertain and trying not to show it] Sure. [Brian looks, at Justin, nodding, and licks his lips] BRIAN: Where you headed? [Justin looks at Brian's lips, then into his eyes.]

JUSTIN: No place special.

BRIAN: I can change that.

[Shot of Brian shutting the door of his Jeep. Justin is sitting in the passenger seat. Michael, Emmett and Ted are standing on the curb, left to find their own way home.]

EMMETT: Hey! Hey! What about us?

BRIAN: [starting the car and accelerating forward] You can ride with Ted.

TED: [waving] Thanks a lot!

MICHAEL: Asshole!

[Michael, Ted and Emmett turn and walk down the street toward Ted's car. They pass a hot dog stand where the trick from earlier is standing, still checking Michael out.]

EMMETT: Well, if it isn't Miss Riding Hood and her big basket.

MICHAEL: Find someone else to stalk, I'm not interested. [Michael opens the passenger door of Ted's car and gets in. To the trick:] Go home! [Everyone piles into Ted's car.]

[Shot cuts to Brian opening the door to his loft. He steps inside and pulls off his leather jacket, tossing it away, and walks toward the refrigerator. He turns to Justin, who is still standing in the doorway.]

BRIAN: Coming in? [Shot of Justin standing in the doorway. Justin turns]

JUSTIN: Huh? [He smiles nervously] Oh, yeah. [He steps further in. Shot of Brian reaching in the fridge.]

BRIAN: [Gentle and commanding and cruel all at the same time] Shut the door.

[He looks at Justin. Justin looks around and then moves to shut the door. Shot through the landing of Justin coming over to close the door. He takes a breath and leans against the door, closes his eyes and takes another deep breath, and slams the door shut. Sandstorm cuts off. Justin turns away from the door and toward Brian. Brian takes his shirt off. tossing it away. He takes a drink of water from a bottle he got out of the fridge. Justin looks at him, then looks around.]

JUSTIN: This is a... really nice place.

[Brian is pouring water over his head. Close up on the water pouring over his face. Justin blinks.Close up of water drops shooting off as Brian shakes his head. Justin is staring. Close up of water dripping down Brian's bare chest, then of Brian's intense gaze as water drips down his face.]

JUSTIN: [Uncertain of what to do or say] I like your kitchen.

BRIAN: Do you like Special K? [He pulls off his shoes]

JUSTIN: It's okay. I like Cheerios better. [Brian is tossing his shoes away and pulling off his socks.]

BRIAN: I don't mean the kind you eat with bananas. [He reaches into his pocket and pulls out packet, holding it out.] My disco pharmacologist cooks this up for me.

[Justin looks a little afraid. He's never done drugs before.]

JUSTIN: I'm...really allergic to a lot of drugs. [Brian drops his hand, a little annoyed. This trick is different. He decides to humour the kid and listen] The doctor gave me penicillin once, nearly killed me.And... [Justin tries to think of another drug] Tylenol.

BRIAN: Tylenol? [Laughing, he knows the kid is nervous.] No one's allergic to Tylenol. Tylenol's what they give you when you're allergic to everything else. [Close up of Brian opening his fly to reveal his jockstrap.]

JUSTIN: Oh.Well, uh, Codeine. Codeine's the worst. [Brian is taking off his pants. He's getting a little exasperated.] Like, I get diarrhea and start vomiting uncontrollably at the same time. [He smiles uncertainly]

BRIAN: Well, we'll make sure and keep that one on the top shelf. [He grins. A shot from behind as he slowly pulls off his jockstrap.] Out of reach.

[Justin stares. Brian kicks the jockstrap away. Close zoom onto Justin's face as his gaze darkens. You Think You're A Man by Full Frontal plays. Shot from behind. Brian raises his arms in question and poses, displaying himself.]

BRIAN: So, are you coming, or going? [Shot of Justin's face, staring. Shot of Brian from the front, waist up, arms out, asking] Or coming, and then going? [Justin stares.] Or coming, and staying?

[Justin is still staring. Brian looks at him and takes a breath, widening his stance just by staring at Justin seductively. Justin breathes, making a decision. He pulls off his denim jacket and tosses it aside, stepping slowly toward Brian. Brian puts his arms down and looks at Justin. Their faces are inches apart. Justin is uncertain as to whether to make the first move.Brian reaches down and unbuckles Justin's belt, kissing his neck. They begin to make out. Brian unbuttons Justin's fly. Justin puts his arms around Brian. He grunts as Brian starts to give him a handjob. A montage of Brian and Justin making out, of hands gripping and lips and kissing necks. Cut to Ted's car driving up to Michael and Emmett's apartment building.]

EMMETT: Thank you for the lift. TED: See ya. Bye.

[A blue convertible drives to the other side of the street and parks. Michael and Emmett get out and wave as Ted drives away. Emmett notices the trick from Babylon getting out of the car on the other side of the street.]

EMMETT: Oh my god. Look. He must have followed us. [Michael looks away, annoyed, then looks back]

MICHAEL: Christ, that's just what I need. [Camera shot at the trick leaning against his car]

EMMETT: Honey, it's what we all need. [He looks at Michael, stops him from walking inside] Hey! When was the last time you got laid? [Michael opens his mouth, but has to think about it] My point exactly. If you cant remember, it's time. Now, where are your manners? Go, uh, go invite the gentleman in while I make sure none of my fine washables are hanging in the tub!

[He twirls away, leaving Michael alone. The trick crosses the street to him. Michael nods and smiles. Cut to Brian's loft. The bedroom is separated by glass, lit in blue. Brian is straddling Justin's legs on the bed, giving him a slow hand job. The camera pans closer between the glass panels. Justin is breathing heavily. The camera pans beside them. Brian is staring at Justin, whose eyelids are fluttering.]

BRIAN: Don't come yet. [He smirks a bit]

JUSTIN: Hah, I'll try. [Shot of Brian's face. Justin pants. He puts his hand on Brian's arm, squeezing his eyes shut.] Stop. [Brian looks up, a hint of a smile. Justin relaxes, sighing, then smiles. Brian looks at him.]

BRIAN: So, what do you like to do?

JUSTIN: [Misunderstanding the question. He shrugs.] Do? I don't know. Watch TV, play Tomb Raider.

[Wider shot of Brian sitting on Justin. Brian chuckles.]

BRIAN: I mean in bed.

JUSTIN: Oh. [Realizing. He laughs.] This is fine.

[Brian realizes Justin is nervous. He's got a newbie. He goads him]

BRIAN: Are you a top, or a bottom? [He's pretty sure Justin doesn't know, but he will soon.]

JUSTIN: [He's uncertain of what to pick, what sounds better] Top....and bottom.

BRIAN: Oh, you're versatile, then.

JUSTIN: And ambidextrous.Which was really confusing at first, cause I could never figure out which hand to throw with.

[Brian smirks, puts his tongue in his cheek. The kid doesn't know a thing, but he decides to mess with him a bit more.]

BRIAN: Do you like to rim?

JUSTIN: [He has no idea what that means] Sure. I love it.

BRIAN: Great. [Leaning closer, baiting] Go to it. [Justin looks uncertain] Well?

JUSTIN: Um, what exactly do you mean?

[Brian scoffs. This kid really is new. The sound of a phone ringing.Brian reaches down and grabs it.]

BRIAN: Yeah? [He resumes jacking Justin off. Justin gasps silently. A shot of his toes curling.] What? When? Are you kidding me? No, of course you're not kidding me. When did it start? [Justin is tapping at Brian's arm, about to come] Why didnt you call me? Well, of course I was out. I cant believe it. [Justin gasps, coming] Shit! Jesus Christ! I told you not to.

JUSTIN: I tried. I'm sorry. I tried.

BRIAN: All over my new duvet.[Annoyed, sarcastic.] Thank you very much. [Wide shot. Brian is shaking cum off his hand, Justin is freaking out.]

JUSTIN: It'll wash out, won't it? I mean, you should see my sheets at home.

BRIAN: [Into the phone] Just some kid. What's your name again? [He looks at Justin, who looks disappointed]

JUSTIN: Justin.

BRIAN: [Into the phone] Justin. [Justin looks away, let down] I'll be right there.

[He hangs up, shakes his head at Justin a little, and gets up. Cut to Michael and the trick kissing]

EMMETT: [walking in from the kitchen with a glass of milk and a plate.] Ooh! Don't mind me. Just, uh, cant sleep without my milk and Oreos. [Michael and the trick watch Emmett walk to his room. Michael turns to the trick.]

MICHAEL: That's my friend Emmett. He's staying with me temporarily, since the hooker who lived down the hall from him burned his apartment building down two years ago.

TRICK: Two years is a long time to be temporary.

MICHAEL: [As the trick kisses his cheek] And yet, it hasn't interfered with my love life. Which, I suppose, says a lot about my love life.

TRICK: [sighing, annoyed with the talk] Do you mind if we skip the back story and cut to the chase? It's almost 2:00 in the morning. [They begin to kiss again.] You have a great ass.

MICHAEL: Oh yeah? [He reaches down into the trick's pants] So, do you. It's really...[He stops and looks up. The trick looks up. Michael pulls out a plastic ass.] Firm.

TRICK: It's called "The Butt". I got it in a catalogue.

[Michael looks at him. The trick kisses him on the cheek as he stares at The Butt in his hand. The phone rings.]

MICHAEL: [Answering the phone] Parts department.

[Shot of Brian walking around his loft.]

BRIAN: Melanie called. It's happened.

[Shot of Michael, surprised, leaning forward]

MICHAEL: What? Oh my god, when?

BRIAN: I don't know I had my damn cell phone off. [Shot of him walking around his loft] I'm picking you up in two minutes.

[The trick is unbuttoning his fly]

MICHAEL: Now? I... kind of got my hands full.

[Michael stares as the trick pulls out a fake cock.]

TRICK: "The Bulge." You order both, you get a discount.

BRIAN: Who's that?

MICHAEL: [through Brian's phone] Uh, no one.

BRIAN: [Smiling, amazed.] Mikey, you've got someone there with you. I can't believe it.

MICHAEL: [Staring as the trick comes closer] You should only be here.

BRIAN: [Through Michael's phone] Forget about it, don't let me bother you. [Shot of Brian looking up] Fuck the shit out of him.

MICHAEL: [Urgent] No, wait. Pick me up. I-I'm ready. Now. [He hangs up, breathes.]

TRICK: We going to do this, or not?

MICHAEL: I am really, really sorry.[The trick sighs] Um, a friend of mine needs me. It's an emergency.

TRICK: Shit. After all that.

MICHAEL: I know. I promise we'll reschedule, though. No ifs, and, or... [He looks at The Butt in his hand, and hands it back to the trick, nodding]

[Shot of Brian running into his bedroom. He has his pants on. Justin is sitting on the bed, naked,]

JUSTIN: What's going on?

BRIAN: [Tossing Justin's boxers at him] Everything. Come on, get up, you gotta go.

JUSTIN: Where?

BRIAN: Home.

JUSTIN: [Putting on his underwear] I cant go home, not now. My...my parents think I'm staying at a friend's.

BRIAN: [Putting his shirt on, disbelieving] You live with your parents?

JUSTIN: Well, I'm still in school. I mean, college.

BRIAN: [grabbing a shirt off the rack in his closet] What year are you in?

JUSTIN: Junior. [Brian looks at him.] Sophomore. Between my junior and sophomore year.

BRIAN: [Walking away, adjusting his clothes] How old are you?

JUSTIN: Twenty-one.

BRIAN: [Looking through the glass] What year were you born?

JUSTIN: [Thinking about it as he pulls his shirt down.] 1979.

BRIAN: [Staring at him, wondering what kind of catch he really got.] Bullshit. You had to think before you answered that. How old are you really?

JUSTIN: [fidgeting] 20. [Brian walks past one glass panel and looks at him through the crack.] 19. [Brian walks and looks at him through the next crack, smirking.] 18.

BRIAN: Well, what is this, a missile launch?

JUSTIN: [Giving up] 17. [Brian sighs and rolls his eyes, walking around to go up the stairs]

BRIAN: What is with kids today? [He sits down on the bed next to Justin and grabs his shoes.]

JUSTIN: We just want to get laid like everybody else.

BRIAN: [Tongue sticking out, amused at Justin's innocence.] Have you ever been with anyone before?

JUSTIN: [Putting on his pants] Sure. Well, not exactly. [Close up on Justin, looking at Brian] This is sort of my first.

BRIAN: I figured. [He looks back at Justin] Kind of young, aren't you? [Justin looks away] Well, I was 14 my first time.

JUSTIN: That's really young.

BRIAN: With my gym teacher.

JUSTIN: I bet he was some old perv.

BRIAN: [Turns and looks at Justin, slightly annoyed] That old perv was probably the same age that I am now. It was after school in the locker rooms. [Justin watches him. He leans back, remembering.] He was taking a shower. I went back for something. A book, my jockstrap, I don't remember. [He chuckles] Anyway, there he was, all naked, soaping himself. He saw me there, a big boner under my Chinos. [He laughs at the memory] Shit. I walked right into the showers with all my clothes on.

JUSTIN: [Snorting] No.

BRIAN: Got down on my knees and sucked him off right there.

JUSTIN: [Incredulous] He let you?

BRIAN: [Looking at him, frowning.] Let me? He loved it.

JUSTIN: I bet you were scared.

BRIAN; [Looking at him, patronizing] Well, I guess we're all a little scared our first time. [Justin looks at him, knowing what he's after. Brian looks away, gets up. He looks down at Justin] But I don't remember anymore. [

He walks away. Justin looks down. Cut to Michael outside his apartment, looking at his watch. The honking of a car horn. Brian's Jeep turns down the street and parks in front of him. Michael looks in the passenger window.]

MICHAEL: You brought him?

BRIAN: He's got nowhere to go. Get in.

MICHAEL: [jumping in the back] Jeez..

[Michael rolls his eyes as they speed away. Cut to the hospital. Michael, Brian and Justin are running down the hallway, dodging nurses and each other, crisscrossing, excited. Michael opens the door to the hospital room, a camera in his hand, Brian is behind him. A shot of a bunch of lesbians crowded around a hospital bed. They look up and separate. Brian stops and stares. Lindsay smiles at him with a baby in her arms. A zoom in on his face, he is in awe. Justin watches him.]

BRIAN: Oh, my god.

LINDSAY: Say hello to your son. [Close up on the baby, cooing.]

MICHAEL: Well, go on.

[Brian looks away from Michael to the baby, and slowly moves toward the bed. Justin moves into the room. A group of lesbian disdainfully watch Brian move closer.]

BRIAN: When did it start?

MELANIE: [Annoyed, exasperated] Around seven.

LINDSAY: Six hours later, there he was.

BRIAN: [Bending down] Oh, I wish I could have been here. [Dryly] How often do I get to see snatch? [Lindsay, Justin and Michael laugh. Melanie rolls her eyes.]

LINDSAY: Looks just like you.

BRIAN: [Shaking his head] I guess he must be mine, then. [Melanie and Lindsay look at him. Melanie looks annoyed. Lindsay smiles.]

LINDSAY: Want to hold him? [Brian bites his lip and carefully takes the baby.]

MELANIE: Okay, careful. Don't drop him.

BRIAN: [Looking at her, annoyed. He dislikes her just as much as she dislikes him] Oh, that's just what I was planning on doing. [He looks at the baby, and smiles. Michael watches him, also smiling. Lindsay brushes hair out of her face.]

LINDSAY: We've been thinking of names. Mel wants to call him Abraham, after her grandfather. But, I like Gus.

[Brian looks at her, uncertain, then looks at the baby. Melanie and Lindsay look at him, expectant. He looks over at Justin.]

BRIAN: What do you think? [Everyone looks at Justin]

JUSTIN: You wouldn't survive a day at school being named Abraham. But, I guess Gus is okay. [Lindsay looks happy]

MELANIE: (Annoyed, scoffs) Thank you very much, and who the hell are you?

BRIAN: [Looking at the baby, frowning] His name's J....[He closes his eyes, trying to remember. Melanie and Lindsay look up at him. Michael rolls his eyes.]

MICHAEL: Justin.

BRIAN: You were on the phone when he shot his load all over me. [Groans of disgust. Justin closes his eyes.All the lesbians and Melanie look disgusted. Lindsay laughs]

LINDSAY: Oh, Brian. [Melanie puts her hand over her face. Lindsay shakes her head and looks at Justin]

BRIAN: He cant help it. [Simply] He's only seventeen.

MELANIE: So, you and Lindsay each had an infant tonight.

BRIAN: [Staring at Gus] Yeah, but mine doesn't suck on my tits. Not unless I want him to. [He looks at Justin. Justin smiles. Michael rolls his eyes. Brian smiles back and looks at the baby] "Gus." It's a good butch name. [Melanie and Lindsay look at him] Come on, Gus, give your daddy a smile.

[Michael takes a picture of Brian holding Gus. Brian looks at him, smiling. He suddenly looks uncertain and slightly afraid. Cut to a shot of Brian on the roof, smoking a cigarette and looking down at the street. Michael walks up behind him.]

MICHAEL: It's disgusting, all those lesbians fawning over him and making goo-goo talk.

BRIAN: That's what women do over babies.

MICHAEL: [frowning] Who's talking about the baby? I mean Justin. [Brian moves to look at him, then looks out] It's kind of weird, you having a kid.[Brian stands up. Close up on Michael's face] Still it's exciting, isn't it?

BRIAN: [Looking up] What, having some wrinkled little time-clock ticking away? Reminding you that you're getting older by the minute. By the second?

MICHAEL:[Sing song] Keep thinking like that you're going to end up prematurely grey. Oh, I think I see one. [He reaches up and pulls out a hair]

BRIAN: [Shoving him] Ow! [Brian frowns, takes a last drag on his cigarette and stamps it out angrily. He looks out at the street and closes his eyes, freaked.] Why didn't somebody try and stop me?

MICHAEL: Hello, somebody did! But you wouldn't listen. You had to let Lindsay fill your head with all her bullshit flattery. "Oh, Brian, you're so good looking. Oh, oh, Brian, y-y-you're so smart. Oh, oh, you've got such great genes, Brian, and I don't mean your five-oh-ones." [He looks at Brian, who is looking dejectedly down at the street] And now you're stuck with a kid. For life.

[Close up on Brian's face as he looks out on the street, sighs. He blinks and swallows hard. Proud by Heather Smalls plays. He looks over at Michael.]

BRIAN: Well, there is always one solution. [Michael frowns at him. He looks into the sky, then jumps up onto the edge of the roof. He looks out.] I could end it all, right now.

MICHAEL: [Looking up at him, frightened] Oh, that'd be dramatic. Just like "ER," birth and death in the same episode. [Brian looks out, he seems sort of determined. He's upset, breathing hard.] Now, get down!

BRIAN: [Looking around, breathing hard] Well, you'll have to come get me...

MICHAEL: I'm serious. Stop clowning.

BRIAN: [Desperate, but also feeling powerful with control over his own mortality] Or I'll jump! [He's shaking. Michael looks at him, uncertain. He turns to Michael and holds out his hand. Michael takes it. The music crescendos as they stand side-by-side on the rooftop. Brian steps behind Michael, holding him to his chest. He talks into Michaels ear] Come on, Mikey. Let's fly. Like in all those comic books.I'm Superman. I'll show you the world. [He leans his head against Michael's]

MICHAEL: [Nervously, jokingly, smiling] Why am I always Lois Lane? [They both grin. Michael looks down and gets nervous again. Wide shot of both of them Brian straightens up. Michael slowly turns around in Brian's arms and embraces him. He looks at Brian.] Congratulations....Dad. [He kisses him, and then hugs him again. Brian hugs him tight and puts his face in Michael's shoulder.]

[Cut to Brian and Michael walking back towards the hospital room. Brian looks up at a doctor and bumps into him with his shoulder, then turns and watches the doctor walk past.]

BRIAN: Sorry. [He smirks, the doctor smiles back.]

MICHAEL: Honestly.

BRIAN: Fucked him.

MICHAEL: You did not, you looked at him.

BRIAN: That may appear to be what happened, but we did it all.

MICHAEL: Oh yeah, and how was he?

BRIAN: [turning back around] Fabulous. [Moves to pop a pill into his mouth offers one to Michael.] Want one?

MICHAEL: No.

BRIAN: More for me. [He pops them in his mouth, and opens a door.]

MICHAEL: Listen, you're going to go say good night to Lindsay, you're going to go home, go to bed, and get up and go to work for the next twenty years to support your kid.[Brian is half paying attention, looking around. They keep walking.]

[Shot of Justin, talking to one of Lindsay's lesbian friends. She is reading his palm.]

WOMAN: See this line, how deep it is? That means you're very creative.

JUSTIN: That's true. I want to be a cartoonist or a computer animator. [Brian grabs on to the top of Justin's ear and drags him away.] BRIAN: It's far too lesbianic out here for a young boy. Out. [He pushes him forward, turns to Michael] I'll meet you out front. [He grabs a wheelchair and wheels away on it. He wheels into Lindsay's hospital room, pushing the door open with his legs.]

NURSE: I'm sorry sir, you'll have to come back tomorrow. The mother needs her rest.

BRIAN: And so does the father.

LINDSAY: It's okay, nurse. [The nurse nods and moves to leave. Brian stands up and looks at Gus, stroking his nose.]

BRIAN: Sweet dreams, Sonnyboy. First night on earth.

LINDSAY: [To Melanie] Hon, could you get me some ice and maybe something fizzy?

MELANIE: How about some ginger ale? [Lindsay smiles at her. She kisses Lindsay's hand and moves to leave, then turns to Brian.] Uhh, anything for you?

BRIAN: Uhh, if you see any Amyl Nitrate laying around. [Melanie rolls her eyes and leaves, closing the door. Brian moves towards Lindsay and joins her on the bed.] Alone at last. [He touches her belly.]

LINDSAY: Careful. [He places his hand over hers.]

BRIAN: Well, here we are. Ma and Pa. [Lindsay begins to cry.] Hey. [He wipes her tears away.]

LINDSAY: [Smiling slightly] Don't mind me. I'm just feeling a little...vulnerable. [They lean their heads against each other. They both laugh.]

BRIAN: I promise not to tell.

LINDSAY: Who would've thought? You and me. Parents. [Brian looks amazed and scared and incredulous. He looks away.]

BRIAN: It's pretty scary, boys and girls. [He looks back at Lindsay, smiling, then frowns, wondering.] Do you think it's too late to return it?

LINDSAY: [Her eyes are frightened, mischievous.] We could try.[She frowns and laughs.] Ohh. I guess this means we're finally grown-ups.

[Brian looks at her. It's not something he wants to hear.]

BRIAN: Don't say that, Wendy, we'll never grow up.

LINDSAY: Don't be scared. Hell, if our parents could fuck up, so can we.

[Brian looks at Lindsay. Then down. He looks more frightened and worried and resigned than ever. He sighs. His voice is a little shaky.]

BRIAN: I don't want you to worry. About money, I mean. If you need anything...

LINDSAY: No, we'll be all right. But thanks. [She leans in and kisses him on the cheek, then strokes his face as he looks down. He looks back up at her, wily.]

BRIAN: I would've fucked you, you know.

LINDSAY: [Rolling her eyes and laughing] Oh!

BRIAN: If I wasn't afraid your lover would be the shit out of me.

LINDSAY: Stop.

BRIAN: I mean it. She could take on Oscar de la Renta.

LINDSAY: [Giving Brian a little chin chuck] You mean La Hoya.

BRIAN: Whatever. [They smile]

LINDSAY: Well, you had plenty of chances.

BRIAN: And I took advantage of a few, if I recall.

LINDSAY: It wasn't half bad.

BRIAN: [looks down and rolls his eyes] Now you tell me? You mean I could have been straight this whole time?

LINDSAY: [She frowns and strokes his chin.] I wouldn't say that. [He smiles]

BRIAN: Well, then I guess it's just as well. [They smile at each other, then stop and look into the others eyes. They kiss. The door opens and Melanie walks in. Both look to her, surprised, caught.]

MELANIE: Ice?

[Cut to a close up of Brian's face as he and Michael and Justin drive away from the hospital. Michael is driving and Brian is in the backseat with Justin. The drugs have kicked in and he is grinning.]

BRIAN: Tick-tick-tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. [Michael shakes his head]

JUSTIN: What are you doing?

BRIAN: [Grinning, high, rubbing his hand against his throat] I'm just repeating the first words my Sonnyboy said to be. It wasn't Dada. It was [He laughs and nuzzles against Justin] tick-tick-tick. Smart little fucker.

[Michael adjusts the rearview mirror so he can see Brian and Justin. A shot of them in the mirror. Brian is leaning his forehead against Justin's. X-Hale Slowly by Bootsy McQueen plays.]

BRIAN: He can tell time already.

MICHAEL: Brian, what did you take?

BRIAN: [Grinning, leaning forward, widening his eyes and singing] A, B, C, D, E-E-E. I'm just teaching my kid the alphabet. [Justin grins. Brian puts his face close to Justin's.] I'm going to fuck you. [He nuzzles against the side of Justin's face, talking into his ear] I'm going to fuck you all night.

[Justin closes his eyes and smiles. MIchael watches them in the mirror and shakes his head, jealous and annoyed. Panting. Brian unzips Justin's jeans and leans down. A shot of Justin in the mirror as Brian begins to suck him off. Michael is annoyed and angry and jealous. Brian Kinney never sucks people off. He accelerates and swerves in the road. Brian sits up.]

BRIAN: Shit.

MICHAEL: Sorry, I didn't want to hit that doggy.

BRIAN: Fuck the doggy.

MICHAEL: [To Justin] Okay, Boy Wonder. I'm taking you home. Where do I turn?

BRIAN: He's going with me.

MICHAEL: [Shaking his head] Oh no, he's not.

BRIAN: Pop quiz. [Loudly, to Michael] No talking. [Back to Justin. They're grinning at each other.] Here's a question. Multiple choice. Do you want to come home with me? A: Yes, B: Yes, or, C: Yes. [He glares at Michael] Tick, tick, tick. Times up, pencils down. [He's holding on gently to Justin's chin.] What do you say?

MICHAEL: None of the above. [Brian looks at him] He's going home.

JUSTIN: I'm going with him. [Michael looks at them in the mirror and sighs.]

BRIAN: Good boy! [They smile at each other] You get an A plus. [Justin chuckles, Brian kisses him they begin making out.]

[Cut to Brian's loft, the bedroom. Justin looks to the side, breathing hard as Brian kisses the back of his neck, then runs his tongue all the way down his spine. A shot of him panting, then gasping. Brian looks up from between Justin's legs.]

BRIAN: Now you know what rimming is.

[He smirks. A shot of Justin still breathing hard. Cut to Michael's apartment, Michael is complaining to Emmett.]

MICHAEL: He called me, practically begs me to go with him, knowing full well I was with someone for the first time in I don't know how long.

EMMETT: Seven months, two weeks, and three days.

MICHAEL: [Dryly] Thank you. And, even though the guy wasn't all he was cracked up to be...

EMMETT: We'll let that remark pass.

MICHAEL: At least he wanted me. Me. [He sits down on the couch beside Emmett] God, I am so horny.

EMMETT: Poor baby. Well, I have just the thing. [He stands up] A new porn video.It all takes place in a prisoner-of-war camp. [He heads over to the desk and grabs a video cassette.He reads from the back] "Hot, horny men, starved for action." [He displays the case]

MICHAEL: I can relate to that.

EMMETT: [Handing the cassette to Michael] Guaranteed to make your privates stand up and salute. [Michael looks at the cassette box label and rolls his eyes]

MICHAEL: Schindler's Fist?

EMMETT: Ahh. [He puts the tape in. Handing Michael the remote and grabbing his mug] Here, I will leave you two alone. I'm sure you're going to have a deep, meaningful relationship. [He walks into his room] Good night.

[Michael smiles after him, puts the cassette box down, turns the TV on.]

DRILL SARGEANT (On TV): Okay, Private, drop trou and bend over.

PRIVATE: For my physical, sir?

DRILL SARGEANT: No, target practice!

PRIVATE: Yes, sir.

DRILL SARGEANT: [lewd chuckle]

[Michael rolls his eyes and turns off the television. Cut to Brian's loft. Shot of the bed through the cracks in the glass panes. Brian is maneuvering Justin's legs.]

BRIAN: Put your legs up on my shoulders. [Justin is panting] That's it.

JUSTIN: Oh, wait. In school we had this lecture....about safe sex.

BRIAN: And now we're going to have a demonstration. [He reaches over and grabs a condom packet, rips it open with his teeth, spits out the corner. He hands the condom to Justin] Put it on me. Go on. Slip it on my dick.

[Justin sits up and puts the condom on Brian. Brian smiles and reaches down, grabbing the lube. He squirts on Justin, who gasps]

JUSTIN: Ah! It's cold.

BRIAN: It'll heat up. [Justin grins]

JUSTIN: Just.... go slow, okay?

A shot of Brian sliding down between Justin's knees. A shot of Justin's feet locking behind Brian. Brian pushes in. Justin gasps in pain]

JUSTIN:Ah! Ah! [Panting] It hurts. Does it always hurt?

BRIAN: [Nodding, gentle] A little bit. But that's a part of it. [The sound of exhaling. So Good by The Aloof plays.] Now relax. I want you to always remember this.[He grins darkly] So that no matter who you're ever with...I'll always be there.

[He pushes in, then leans over and kisses Justin.They make out. Brian breaks away and grins. Justin strokes the back of his neck. Groaning. A shot of Justin's toes curling. Of Justin breathing hard, mouth open.He strokes Brian's neck, they kiss again. Fade to black. The beeping of an alarm clock as the scene reopens. Brian is asleep, facing the camera. He frowns, twitches, then rolls over on top of Justin to turn off the alarm clock. He rolls back over, sighs. Justin touches his shoulder, and he rolls over and snuggles up to Justin.Then he sits up and looks at him, frowning.]

BRIAN: What the fuck are you doing here?

JUSTIN: Y-You said I could stay.

BRIAN: Right. [chuckling, rolling onto his back] Your parents. They think you're at a friend's. [He sighs and sits up, shading his eyes from the sunlight to look at the room. Camera pans over the room, which is a mess. Chairs are upside down, stuff is all over the floor] Jesus Christ! What the hell happened? [Justin laughs. Brian holds up a finger and frowns] Don't tell me. I was doing handstands.

JUSTIN: And juggling. You're not very good.

BRIAN: [Letting his head fall back.] Shit. Why do I do these things? [He stops and looks forward] I'll tell you why. It was that fucking pig Anita. She told me that was E. That wasn't E, that was some shit they cooked up in a bathtub in Tijuana.

JUSTIN: That's why you should never take drugs that aren't prescribed by a physician, or recommended by a reliable pharmacist.

[Brian looks at him like he's crazy, then looks away. A chuckle of disbelief.]

BRIAN: What are you? A public service announcement? [He frowns against the light, a headache. He moves to get up.] Get dressed, I'll drive you home.

JUSTIN: You cant. [Brian looks at him] Michael has the car.

BRIAN: Why has he got it?

JUSTIN: You were too high...

BRIAN: I know what happened. I was there. I remember everything...perfectly. [He looks at Justin slowly.] What was your name again?

JUSTIN: [Looking down] Justin. [He looks away]

BRIAN: Yeah, right. [He flops back down and sighs]

JUSTIN: Can I take a shower?

BRIAN: Yeah, but hurry up. [He points to his right] It's through there.... [Justin walks to the shower. Brian sits up] I think. [He gets out of bed and walks over to the desk. He pushes the button on his answering machine to listen to his messages. A beep.]

MELANIE'S VOICE (on the machine): Where the hell are you? Your cell, it's turned off. If you're there, pick up. Brian? Listen. Lindsay's water broke. She's having contractions. We're at the hospital. [Fast, wiggly zoom in on Brian as he remembers everything. He puts his head back.]

BRIAN: Fuck. I have a baby. [The sound of water running]

JUSTIN: Ow! Ow!

BRIAN: [Staring towards the shower.] Two babies.

[Cut to Michael sleeping on the couch in his apartment. The blaring of a car alarm, thud of metal on metal, then the smashing of glass. He wakes up and runs to the window. Two kids are vandalizing Brian's car.]

MICHAEL: Holy shit! [A shot of one kid writing something in spray paint on the side of the car. Michael runs out onto the street in his pajamas.] You little bastards! Get the fuck away from there!

KIDS: Faggot! Queer! Faggot!

MICHAEL: [Running after them] Who're you callin' a faggot? [He is wearing a pink shirt that says Babylon on it]

KIDS: We've seen you! Queer!

[They throw the spray paint bottle at him. He picks it up, frowning after them, then turns and looks at the car. His eyes widen and he drops the can.He walks over and huffs, crossing his arms. Emmett joins him.]

EMMETT: Morning. [He sees the side of the Jeep and begins to laugh] Oh, my Lord.

MICHAEL: [turning to where the kids ran off] Motherfuckers! I'm calling the cops.

EMMETT: Brian is going to have a fit. You know how he feels about his Jeep.

MICHAEL: Well, if he cares so much about it, then he shouldn't have lent it to me. He knows what a terrible neighborhood this is.

EMMETT: Well, I, uh, was going to ask for a lift to work, but on second thought, I think I'll walk. [waving] Have a nice day.

MICHAEL: Shit! [He kicks the side of the Jeep. Then squats down with his hands at his mouth. A shot from under the car shows a tail light falling out.]

[Cut to Brian's loft. The splashing of a shower. Brian is walking toward the bathroom with his hands in his hair, freaked that he has a kid and ready to throw Justin out. He sees Justin showering and stops. He breaths and then enters the shower behind Justin.]

BRIAN: Why didn't you tell me I had a kid?

JUSTIN: You said you remembered everything.

BRIAN: [getting under the spray, sighing] It all happened so fast. What's his name again?

JUSTIN: Gus. I'm the one who decided.[He leans his head back under the water. Brian chuckles and grabs a bar of soap. He stars soaping Justin's back.] Did you actually fuck her?

BRIAN: Who?

JUSTIN: Lindsay.

BRIAN: You're awfully rude.

JUSTIN: Well, did you?

BRIAN: I jerked off in a cup, and they squirted it up her.

JUSTIN: Gross. She must have really wanted a kid.

BRIAN: Most women do.

JUSTIN: Even lesbians?

BRIAN: Lesbians are women....sort of.

JUSTIN: My mom says sometimes she wished she never had me.

BRIAN: That's probably because she's stuck with this annoying brat for the rest of her life.

JUSTIN: [Turning to face Brian] So, you going to raise him?

BRIAN: Me? No way. The munchers are. [He begins soaping Justin's chest] But I'll be around to provide the masculine influence so important in every young boy's life. [He soaps lower]

JUSTIN: I'll bet Melanie can do it better than you.

BRIAN: [Slapping Justin's ass] Don't get smart, or I'll have to spank you.

JUSTIN: Really? [They kiss passionately. Then they look down. Justin looks up, his mouth open in amusement.]

BRIAN: You up for one more?

[He shoves Justin into the wall of the shower and kisses his neck. Shots of Justin moving against the glass. Cut to the outside of Brian's apartment building. Michael pulls up in the Jeep. Heavy Scene by Meg Lee Chin plays.]

MICHAEL: Brian!!!! [Cut to Michael walking into Brian's loft. It's a mess. He walks toward the bedroom to see Justin and Brian making out in the doorway. Brian is in the process of pulling Justin's boxers down. He pulls them back up when he sees Michael.] Christ. Didn't you get enough last night?

BRIAN: [Walking over to Michael] There is no such thing as enough.[He puts his arm around Michael.] Besides, I couldn't send him off without a nourishing, high-protein breakfast. [Licking Michael's neck] It's Gr-r-r-reat!

MICHAEL: [Pushing him away, laughing. He walks over to Justin, who is getting dressed. He clearly dislikes this new trick.] Will you come on? I'm not going to be late because of you. [Michael walks away. Justin looks around and sees Brian's jockstrap. He picks it up. Michael walks back] I said hurry up! [Justin pockets the jockstrap. Cut to Justin, Michael and Brian leaving the apartment building.]

BRIAN: Yeah. She said "Don't be late" [He stops when he sees the damage to his Jeep and smiles sardonically] Oh, that's beautiful, Mikey. [Michael tosses him the keys] Just beautiful.

MICHAEL: It's not my fault! I told you about those two psychopaths down the street.

BRIAN:What, a couple of twelve-year-olds?

MICHAEL: They start early these days.[Justin is laughing] What are you laughing at?

JUSTIN: Nothing. [He looks up] You.[Michael stops and turns] You sound like my parents fighting.[Michael looks at Brian, who rolls his eyes.]

BRIAN: It doesn't matter anyway. It's a company car. [He stands in front of the driver's side] Well, come on, we have to take the child to school.

MICHAEL: In this?

BRIAN:[Looking at the side of the car.] You care?

JUSTIN: [He looks at Michael, then back at Brian.] Fuck no. [Brian smiles.]

[Cut to Brian's Jeep careening down the street toward St James' academy. Screeching of tires. Kids are running out of the way. The car screeches to a horizontal stop. The word FAGGOT is spray-painted in pink on the right side of the car. Michael rolls his eyes. Kids are staring, pointing, whispering. A shot of Justin's friend Daphne frowning. Justin slides down in his seat.]

BRIAN: Here we are, Sonnyboy.

MICHAEL: [Joking, sarcastic] Be sure to come home right after school.

BRIAN: [also joking] No lingering on the playground or locker room with the gym teacher.

MICHAEL: Oh, you did not tell him about that. [He looks back at Justin, who raises his eyebrows.]

BRIAN: It's the most famous shower scene since "Psycho." [A student yells at the car. Justin sinks lower in his seat.]

STUDENT: Hey, Justin! Wanna suck me off? [Students laugh]

BRIAN: [Feeling unusually protective] No! But I'll kick your tight, little virgin ass so hard, you wont sit down for a week.

[Students giggle. The student who yelled looks scared. They walk away] [

Justin smiles at the fact that Brian scared the kids away. He hops out of the Jeep]

MICHAEL: Can we get out of here?

[Justin looks at Brian, who turns and looks at him.]

JUSTIN: When can I see you again?

BRIAN: [straightening Justin's collar] You can see me right now.

JUSTIN: I mean later-- tonight. [Brian chuckles]

BRIAN: Who knows where I'll be later tonight.

[Michael has been watching the exchange. He knows the routine. He rolls his eyes]

MICHAEL: We better go. [Brian gets in the car. Justin leans in the window a bit.]

JUSTIN: Please? [Brian looks him over]

BRIAN: I'll see you in your dreams.

[Shot of Michael's face. He looks a little sorry for Justin. Brian starts the car and smiles at Justin, driving away, leaving Justin in the middle of the street. A shot of Daphne watching him leave. A shot of Justin watching him, then he steps on the the sidewalk and up the steps to Daphne. She hands him his back pack.]

DAPHNE: Where have you been? Your mom called. I didn't know what to tell her. I said you were still asleep. [Justin looks out toward where Brian's car had turned away]

JUSTIN: I just saw the face of God.

DAPHNE: Huh?

JUSTIN: [Zoom in on Justin's face. He is smiling a bit] His name is Brian Kinney.

[Shot of Brian's car driving down town. Cars are honking.]

MICHAEL: Thank god he's gone.

BRIAN: He almost wore me out. [Michael looks at him incredulously]

MICHAEL: Someone wore you out?

BRIAN(firmly): I said almost. [Michael smiles and nods] I'll drop you by the store.

MICHAEL: [Scoffs] The hell you will. You better get that repainted before you go into the office.

BRIAN: I'm not having it repainted.

MICHAEL: What?

BRIAN: [Leaning in, serious] I like it this way.

MICHAEL: Are you crazy?

[Honking of horns. Businessmen on the street pull their sunglasses down to look at the car, point. Brian looks around. More Effeminate Than You by Carol Black plays]

BRIAN: No. They are. Well, I say fuck 'em. [Louder, looking up] They can paint it in neon across the sky. [Shouting it to the sky] FAGGOT!

[Shot of the car driving. Sounds of honking, of the both of them laughing. Brian honks his horn as they drive down the street. Fade to black. End of Episode One]