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nothing_rhymes_with_ianto) wrote2010-06-03 05:05 am
Boys Keep Swinging Chapter 13
Chapter Summary/Teaser: Brian and Justin talk. The girls come home to Pittsburgh, and moving day is a little awkward. Lindsay and Justin have a confrontation.
Justin bounded into the loft, kicking off his shoes as he closed the door. He glanced at Brian, who sat lounging on the couch, watching A Streetcar Named Desire only halfway, a small satisfied smile on his face. Justin walked over to the couch and took Brian's Pellegrino out of his hand, taking a swig and giving it back.
"Hey!"
"Oh, get over it."
"How was your girls' day out lunch?"
Justin gave him a gentle swat. "It was Daphne. We were talking about you. How do you think it went?"
"Lots of gasps and squeals. She thinks we're confusing but she's incredibly happy."
"Got it in one." Justin walked around the couch and plopped down next to Brian, putting his head in the brunette's lap. His face turned serious. "You know we're going to have to talk about this."
Brian threaded his fingers through Justin's hair. "Way to ruin a good mood, Sunshine."
"You knew it was coming."
Brian sighed. "Fine. What do you want to talk about." He grimaced at the word 'talk'.
"Us. Brian, I promise it won't hurt. It'll take just a little while and then you can get back to your movie or work or whatever."
Brian looked away from the blue gaze for a moment, thinking. He knew how much Justin loved him, and if he wanted to keep him, he'd have to at least talk to him a little bit. Justin loved talking. Well, maybe he would do the talking and Brian would just have to listen. He softened his expression and looked down at his lover.
"Okay. What about us?"
"A few things. Just…" Justin reached up and stroked Brian's face gently. "I need you to trust me, Brian. I need to know that you're not going to kick me out every time you think something's wrong. I need to know that you'll stop assuming I'm going to leave you for someone else. I'm not. I made that mistake once, I'm not going to make it again. If you think something's up, you need to talk to me, or at least try to, okay?"
Brian nodded.
"And we don't have to keep Britin. I don't need a huge house to know you love me. And it's true, I know it holds more bad memories for you than good ones. And besides, the loft is your home. It's my home, too. It's been a huge part of my life for five years. It holds all our memories. It is us." He smiled, and softened his voice again, thumb stroking the tan neck. "And Brian? I don't need to hear it all the time. I don't. I can hear it in your actions. It's just nice to be reminded with words every once in a while."
Brian nodded once more. "I'll try. I can't guarantee, but I'll try."
"That's all I need."
Suddenly Justin hauled himself up and straddled Brian's lap, putting his arms around the other man's neck. "Fuck me now?" He asked with a grin.
"Oh, this is wonderful! I'm so glad the girls are coming back home." Debbie's grin practically split her face. The effect was made all the worse by her bright red Betty Boop lipstick, yellow triangle earrings, and the garishly patterned sweater than Brian suspected would make better a fuel than garment. She bopped happily to the music drifting from Emmett's stereo.
"Of course, it's so like you and Emmy Lou to turn a moving day into a disco party." Brian grumbled, but he was smiling. A dark green minivan turned onto the street, and suddenly everyone was yelling and waving. Gus's brown head stuck out the window and he waved until the car was in the driveway, then he was tumbling out of the van and bulleting towards Brian.
"Daddy!" He barreled into Brian, who caught him before his knees could risk being broken and swung him into the air. Like Brian, he was already tall and lanky for his age.
"Hey, Sonnyboy!" He hugged the boy, burying his face in the child's hair, a smile on his face that Justin had not seen in a while. Justin grinning widely, loving the fact that Brian loved his son, that he would see him more often and maybe even raise him some. He was a wonderful father.
Mel and Linds got out of the car. Melanie went around to the side to get Jenny Rebecca while Lindsay opened the back of the car. She didn't get too far, though, before Debbie was scooping her into a crushing hug. Melanie grinned at her wife's predicament as Lindsay tried to breath around the matriarch's grip. "Hi, Debbie." She managed.
Debbie released her. "Welcome home, baby." Suddenly she turned to the group of people clustered around the yard and the moving van that had arrived an hour or so earlier. "Well? Let's get movin'!"
The yard burst into action. People scurried about, grabbing up boxes and pieces of furniture and lugging them into the house while Mel, Linds and Debbie directed where things ought to go. Gus and Jenny Rebecca ran around, trying to help, but getting in the way more often than not.
"Hi, guys. Sorry we're late." Brian stopped at the sound of the voice, half crouched over a box. He could feel Justin's eyes on him, gentle, supportive, but also curious and a little angry himself. With both of them in a volatile state of simmering anger, who knew what things would be like? Brian stood up, his back still to his old friend, and went off to get a box from another room. He had a feeling Justin would follow him.
"Brian-?" Brian waved a dismissive hand.
"It's all good, Sunshine. I just don't really want to talk to him."
Justin nodded. They could hear Michael's excited "So can I see my daughter?" in the other room. JR came bounding inside in that half-walking, half-waddling three-year-old way. They both watched through the doorway as Michael scooped her up and began talking in high-pitched voice, asking her questions.
Brian scoffed and shook his head. "Christ. He sounds like he should be the one in first grade." Justin huffed a small laugh, but it didn't reach his eyes. They both knew the joke was more out of a need to defend than actual humour. It angered and annoyed Justin to think that no one was really helping to diffuse the situation. That they probably blamed Brian in some way or another, even if it wasn't his fault. He had never gotten used to the fact that Brian's family and friends often used him as their punching bag and blame game whipping boy. The thought made him tense.
"Daddy, c'mere!" Gus suddenly ran in, grabbing Brian's hand and tugging him into the room where the rest of the group stood. Justin followed, wary. Michael glanced up from infantilizing his daughter. He and Brian locked eyes, and a lull seemed to descend upon the room. Brian's gaze was simply cold, but standing nearby, Justin could feel the hurt thrumming through him. Michael gave his old best friend a look that was part anger and part apology. Everyone shifted awkwardly, eyes flicking from one father to the other. Luckily, Emmett saved them, calling down from upstairs.
"Brian, bring Gus over here. I want to show him his new room!"
"New room! New room!" Gus sprinted off. Everyone else visibly relaxed as Brian turned away to follow his son. Once out of the room, Justin let out the breath he'd been holding. This was going to be a long day.
Michael frowned and shook his head as if to clear it. It was strange, to get that look from Brian. It was the look he gave tricks that he wasn't interested in. It was the look he gave clients and employees when they were being especially incompetent or annoying. It wasn't quite rage or disappointment, more like a cool detached eye that made you feel like you were somehow beneath him. Brian had never looked at him like that before. He'd seen Brian angry at him, disappointed with him, glad for him, but never anything like this. It was unnerving. He'd have to get used to it.
He turned his attention back to his daughter and his husband, whose hand was on his back. It was going to be a long day.
Soon, everyone was hurrying to and fro, unloading and unpacking, racing up and down the stairs. Melanie and Emmett had decided together that unpacking everything that was to go upstairs was easier, then they'd do the downstairs.
Brian gave Lindsay a half-friendly smirk. There had been a lot of fighting between him and the munchers while Justin was in New York, and quite a bit of the anger still had not been smoothed away. "At least you brought my kid with you this time." He said lightly, in jest, but Lindsay and Justin could both hear the simmering resentment beneath the words. Lindsay gave him a sickly sweet smile and said nothing. He rolled his eyes, gave her a simpering look, and wandered off in another direction, out toward the back of the house. Justin helped Lindsay pick up a particularly heavy box.
"So, Justin, how is New York? I try to keep up with the articles about you, but I haven't heard what it's actually like for you." Lindsay said between grunts and groans as they moved down the hallway into the master bedroom.
"It was great. I learned a ton about everything. It's so busy and wild all the time. It was wonderful."
"Was?" They set the box down. Lindsay rested her hands on the top and look at him. Then she blinked, as if convincing herself of something. "So, when are you going back? I heard you have a show next week."
"Yeah, I do, and I'm not."
Downstairs, Brian wandered around the backyard, smoking a joint and watching some buff dudes set up the swingset playground for Gus and Jenny. He couldn't see the guys' faces or cocks at the moment, but he was pretty sure he'd fucked them both already, which was a disappointment. Justin and these two guys were the only remotely fuckable living beings here, and Justin was indulging the helpful little WASP that often crawled its way out of the fiery little shell it was housed in.
He took one last hit of the joint, dropped the butt and ground it out under his heel, before turning and walking back inside family room.
Gus was standing by the now-unpacked couch, watching Michael struggle with a box with an interested eye. Michael looked at the boy and opened his mouth, but seemed to realize that if he was struggling with the box, the child would be of no help. He turned a bit and saw Brian leaning against the doorframe, watching him.
"Hey, Brian, could you help me with this?" Brian raised a cool eyebrow, trying to shove down the pain and anger that were trying to claw their way out of him. "I-I meant with the box. It's too heavy."
Brian blinked. "Sure." It was flat, deliberately emotionless. He picked up the other side of the box and hefted it.
"Hey, Brian, I was wondering…" he trailed off at Brian's expression, then took a breath and tried again. "I wanted to tell you that you were right. And I shouldn't have gotten mad or said those things."
"Well, it's always nice to be right, isn't it?" He kept his face neutral. "Now, where does this go, so I can get back to my not-boyfriend and thinking about myself."
"Br—" Michael started, stopped. He didn't know what to say, Brian was using his own words against him and making it all too clear that he didn't want to be friends any longer. "Just-just put it here. He gestured to a corner. Brian put it down, pushing away the urge to just drop it on Michael's foot.
"Thanks."
"No need to thank me, Michael. You never do." He watched Michael flinch at the use of his real name instead of the usual 'Mikey.' But he lost the endearment of Mikey as soon as he started yelling. Brian had had quite enough. He brushed past Michael towards the stairs, ruffling his son's hair as he passed him.
"You're not going back? But you're so young, you have so much potential! New York was your dream."
Justin shook his head. "No, Linds, New York was your dream, not mine. I went there, got what I needed out of it, and came home. I have a show, a fucking solo show. I was only in the city for three years. And the first year I hardly spent any time trolling galleries, I was working. I was trying to pay the bills and find inspiration. Two years, Linds. It took me two years to get a solo show. Do you know how fucking fast that is? I deserve to be home, where I want to be."
"But you should be there. You should be working on getting attention from the media. You should be finding inspiration for your art. And you know you're just going to leave again like you did last time. You know what it did to Brian. Do you really want to see that happen again? You should stay there, let him let you go. For him, and for you. We'll all be here to help him, his family."
Now Justin fixed her with an angry stare. "His family." He stated flatly. "His family, who blames him for their fuck ups, who pins everyone else's problems on him and then expects him to fix it and clean up after them. His family, Michael, who let him stew in his own guilt after I got hit, who broke promise after promise, who knows just what to say to hurt him to the bone, and uses it to his advantage every single fucking time. His family, Debbie, who says she loves him, but calls him 'little asshole' instead of his name, who blames him for Michael's fuck ups, who tries to be a helping hand but often ends up hurting him more. His family, you and Mel, who constantly berated him and told him to start being a real father instead of a drop-in dad, and as soon as he wanted to get to know his son, to really love him and be a father to him, ran away to Canada where you thought it was fucking safe."
Lindsay stared at him, shock written all over her face. She opened her mouth to say something, but Justin barreled on, his anger building.
"You're always telling him to be a part of the community, and as soon as he fights for said community, you bail on him. As soon as the community is attacked; by Stockwell, by the fucking bomb, you skip out. And leave him stranded. You tell him you love him, well you sure have an interesting way of showing it. First you ask him to have your kid, then you take the kid away. You tell him to go after me, but you help him push me away so much I wonder if you just want him for yourself. You're just going to keep manipulating him, dangling some treat in front of him so that he stays just close enough for you to keep him, for you to fantasize. I know what you feel for him, but it's never gonna happen. And you have Melanie. And Gus and JR. You need to concentrate on them, on your children and your wife. You need to take care of them and be in their lives, not ours. Now you have the rest of the family to support you. I love you, Linds, I really do, but you need to grow the fuck up."
Justin was concentrating so hard on what he had to say that he didn't notice when the air in the room shifted, when Lindsay glanced up toward the doorway that his back was to, and her face froze. He didn't notice that she was staring at him with a mixture of shock and fear, until he felt and gentle hand on the back of his neck, soothing. He didn't look away from Lindsay, though, his white hot glare still burning through her.
"Justin." Lindsay visibly relaxed at the sound of Brian's comforting voice, but Justin understood the underlying tones. He had done the right thing, Brian understood what he was saying. He glanced up at Brian, registering the slight flick of his head toward the door. Shoot a last glare at Lindsay, he stepped out of the room, pausing at the top of the stairs to hear what was said.
"Lindsay, he's not a kid any more." Brian's voice carried down the hall. Justin was pretty sure he knew he was listening. "He's not just some blonde twink. He can make his own decisions. So can I." Lindsay replied with something, but was so soft, Justin couldn't understand it. "You heard what he said. I'm sure you understand what he was saying. I agree with him, on most counts. Now, I have to go. Maybe you should think about what you were just told."
He knew that was the end of the conversation, and started down the stairs. Brian joined him at the bottom of the landing. He put an arm around Justin's shoulders. Gus came running up happily.
"Daddy! Jus'sin!" Brian ruffled Gus's hair and released Justin to pick up his son.
"Hey, Gus." He gave his son a kiss. Gus reached for Justin, who grasped his small hand and kissed him as well.
"Are you leavin'?" Gus asked.
"Only for today, Gus. We'll see you tomorrow. And you can come over whenever you want, okay?"
"Okay, Daddy! I love you!" Justin watched the amazement and wonder flicker across Brian's face. He was still surprised that his kid loved him. It made Justin kind of sad.
"I love you, too, Sonnyboy." He kissed Gus again and lowered him to the ground. Gus hugged Justin's legs.
"I love you too Jus'sin!" Justin smiled.
"I know, Gus. I love you." He kissed Gus, then stood. "We have to go, okay, Gus? We'll see you later."
"Bye bye!" He waved them out the door. They walked down to the car and got inside. Justin put a hand on Brian's knee as they backed out.
"I'm sorry you had to hear that. I love them, I do. It's just that sometimes they just make me so angry. I mean, after all that shit that happened while I was in New York..."
"Justin." Brian interrupted. "Justin. It's okay. You're allowed to voice your opinion. I know you love them. You don't have to reassure me. You're allowed to be angry. Now let's go home. I want to fuck you. Angry sex is always hot."
He pulled Justin to him and kissed him, one eye on the road. Justin knew the anger he was feeling would be gone, but like Brian, there would still be that twinge of pain and resentment towards the rest of his family. He let Brian kiss him, running his fingers through his hair, pushing the argument to the back of his mind.
Chapter 14